


Brave Men

by blackchaps



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: AU, Collars, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Triggers, Violence, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-10
Updated: 2014-12-10
Packaged: 2018-02-28 21:34:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2747888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackchaps/pseuds/blackchaps
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU take on the aftermath of The Storm and The Eye.</p><p>Warnings: Rodney whump, abuse, bad stuff like that, so many triggers in this thing that it's practically a gun show.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Brave Men

**Author's Note:**

> I found this story in a pile of forgotten stuff. I don't think I've ever posted it. It may be a tad rough around the edges. The formatting is a bit wonky because the story has been through so many laptops and word programs! Sorry!

*******

 

"Hold him." Kolya took a lazy, dangerous step. "Strip his coat off."

 

Rodney went from shock that froze his brain to protesting wildly. "What are you going to do? You can't do this!"

 

"I need information. You have it." Kolya's smile was nothing like one. His eyes glittered, and Rodney felt his knees weaken. His coat was just gone, and he wanted to run, but they had him so tight.

 

Kolya licked his lower lip. "What should we cut first? Eye? Nostril? Arm?"

 

Panic became desperation, and he struggled as hard as he could but went nowhere. They were much stronger than he'd ever be, and he moaned. "This is wrong!"

 

"But it's the right way to get what I want." Kolya traced his finger around Rodney's face. "One eye is enough to be a scientist, right?"

 

"Oh, God." Rodney tried to do something, anything, but they forced him to his knees. He looked up, far beyond panic. "No! I'll tell you what you want to know!"

 

"I know you will." Kolya laughed, sending a chill down Rodney's spine. "You'll ask politely to tell me." He snapped his fingers at his lackey. "Cut his arm."

 

The blood spurted before the pain hit, and Rodney watched in horror, trying not to scream. Words failed him, and he yelled mindlessly, praying his tendons were intact. Kolya never looked away. He even stepped closer as they released Rodney's arms. He curled into himself, clutching his arm, unable to get up and run.

 

"He looks good like that." Kolya grinned. "Are you ready, Dr. McKay?"

 

Rodney whimpered from a jolt of pure fear, blood welling between his fingers. "I'll tell you. It's my plan. It might even work. No more. No more!" He hated himself, but there was no other option. No other choice. No rescue at the last minute.

 

"Take his eye."

 

"No!" Rodney screamed. His revulsion for himself ticked a notch higher, and he knew what he had to say to make it stop. "Please! Let me tell you! Please!"

 

Kolya caught the hand with the knife before it slashed at Rodney's face. "Very good, Dr. McKay. We can begin now."

 

Lowering his head, Rodney felt something inside himself break. Blood hit the floor. His blood. He shuddered out a deep breath. "Please."

 

"I think you and I will get along well, now that we understand each other." Kolya made a sharp gesture, and they yanked him to his feet. Rodney swayed, and Kolya slapped. "Doctor?"

 

"Yes, yes. You're the boss." Rodney forced his eyes off his arm. The pain in his cheek was nothing compared to the throbbing in his arm. "We're trying to get the shield on-line. The storm, it's huge. It'll destroy us if we don't find the power to raise it. Major Sheppard is going to the grounding station. It has to be deactivated, so lightning can flow freely through the city. We'll harness it, raise the shield, and save the city."

 

Kolya frowned. "Won't the lightning kill us?"

 

"We're safe here in stargate operations. It's the only place in all of Atlantis." Rodney felt light-headed, and he stiffened his knees, not wanting to fall down. "No shield. We die. Simple."

 

One of the men behind him gave a snort of disbelief, and he couldn't find the strength to tell them they were morons. Kolya's eyes narrowed. "Cut his ear off."

 

Rodney collapsed to his knees, hunching over his arm. Terror pounded through him. "I told you the truth! Cutting me to pieces won't change the plan!"

 

Grabbing him by the chin, Kolya tilted Rodney's face up. "I almost believe you. You are a hero on my world. Not to me, but to others. I'd hate to slice a hero to pieces."

 

"A hero. Right," Rodney said. He'd done his best for the Genii, and they'd rewarded him by cutting his arm almost in half. Blood covered his hand, and he hoped Sheppard killed them all. Fingers dug viciously into his shoulder, and he watched another part of himself tear away from the pain. "I'll do whatever you want. Please!"

 

The laughter made Rodney flinch. Kolya snapped his fingers. "Collar him. He's a slave to the Genii now, and I have no doubt that he'll be a very good boy."

 

A scream of horror tried to shove its way past Rodney's lips, but he choked it down. They collared him like a dog. The collar was cold, not heavy, definitely metal. The humiliation tasted familiar, and he remembered Russia, girls in college, and recess in grade school. All Kolya had done was put the last straw on Rodney's back to break him.

 

Kolya's eyes were dark as the pits of hell as he clipped a lead to Rodney's collar. "Get up. We'll execute your plan, and the city will be ours."

"Yes, sir," Rodney whispered. He struggled up and shuffled two steps to stand mostly behind him where it was somewhat safer. Kolya hooked the lead to his belt. Rodney shut his lips around another whimper.

 

"What is going on here?" Elizabeth's outrage was easy to hear. Her eyes were wide, and he cringed from what she must see.

 

"Dr. McKay has informed us of the plan." Kolya didn't even look at him. "Atlantis now belongs to the Genii."

 

Elizabeth shot Rodney a look that he knew was disgust. "Rodney, how could--" She stopped. He wanted to tell her that he was brave, able to withstand pain, and ready to die to protect Atlantis. The fact that he wouldn't do any of those things chipped away at the last piece of himself.

 

Kolya stepped to her, and Rodney followed out of fear. "Some men are more easily broken than others. Dr. McKay will serve us well."

 

"If I don't bleed to death," Rodney muttered. Kolya's fist hit him immediately, and Rodney was back on his knees. Rocking slightly, he held his arm close, hating the pain. "Sorry." It was the right thing to say. One word that tasted like blood in his mouth. Time twisted from the blow to his head, and the next thing he was sure of, Kolya's gun pointed at Elizabeth.

 

"I don't need two hostages," Kolya said into the radio.

 

Rodney couldn't let that happen. Surging up, he got directly in front of the gun, and the tether pulled his collar tight. "Sir, only she has the codes I need. The plan won't work without them." He shot her a glare. "She locked me out of certain systems."

 

Elizabeth paled, and the barrel of the gun never wavered. Rodney lifted his bloody hand, watching it shake. "Without her codes, I can't do it!"

 

Sheppard screamed through the radio, and Kolya's eyes didn't even blink. He looked like a snake or some other terrible animal that Rodney never wanted to meet.

 

"She doesn't trust you. I respect that." Kolya nodded. "Dr. Weir, you will give him the codes at the appropriate time, or I will kill you."

 

Rodney answered for her. "She will. She doesn't want to die either."

 

Kolya holstered his gun. Rodney nearly sagged back to his knees in relief. Elizabeth made no reaction, but she always had a good game face. Not long after, Sheppard started killing, and killing, and things were blurry until Rodney stepped out on the grounding station. Instantly, a sheet of rain soaked him to the bone.

 

"This is bad!" He yelled over the pounding storm. Kolya unclipped the leash and shoved him towards it. Elizabeth steadied him, and he tore off the front panel. Bad, but not too bad. He could fix it. His arm stabbed him with pain, and he wished for his jacket.

 

"How long?"

 

"Twenty minutes!" Rodney shivered; his hands felt like lumps of ice. Elizabeth held the light, and Kolya moved away from them to deal with another problem.

 

The conduits slipped away from his frozen hands, and she whispered in his ear, "Stall for time. Give Major Sheppard a chance to take care of this."

 

There was nothing Rodney wanted more, but she didn't understand that he was a terrible liar. "You talk to him." He fumbled again, forcing his hands to be gentle as the rain tried to push them away. Stopping several times to put pressure on his bleeding arm again, he hoped he was stalling enough.

 

Elizabeth and Kolya began to scream at each other, and he braced his head against the console. The power went out, and he quit trying. Sheppard had gotten to the generators. More people died, and he watched the lightning dance across the sky. Shivering constantly, Rodney cried out when he was shoved against the railing and shaken. Elizabeth grabbed Kolya's shoulder, but his face spoke of death and hatred.

 

"You can kill me, but you still need me if you want the city!" Rodney didn't know where the words came from, maybe his base instinct not to die. "You need us both!"

 

Kolya threw him towards the stairs instead of over the rail, and Elizabeth tried to help him. More screaming, and he lost a block of time because the next thing he knew they were back in the control tower.

 

"Dr. McKay!"

 

Rodney stared up at him and tried to think. His head jerked like a puppet on a string as Kolya yanked the leash. "Take it off, or we all die!" The instant the leash was gone, he ran to the console and began frantically imputing the proper information. He could hear the lightning striking the city now, feeling the static charge in the air. Elizabeth very loudly gave him fake codes, and he took one long second to meet Kolya's eyes. Evil. Dirty. Rodney would live his life on his knees, cowering from the next blow and aching from the last.

 

His finger stabbed the last button, and he made up his mind to die on his knees rather than live on them. "Not enough power!" He scrambled from console to console, doing nothing but looking panicked until he was back at his laptop. "It's not working!"

 

"You said it would!" Kolya grabbed him by the collar and shook him.

 

"I'm a very arrogant man! I think all my plans will work!" he screamed in Kolya's face. He saw it coming, and everything went black for an instant. Elizabeth began yelling, and he wanted to listen, but the only thing he could think of was they were all going to die, and he'd done it to avoid a lifetime of humiliation and pain.

 

"We're leaving." Kolya dialed the stargate and then leashed him. "You will serve the Genii people until you die."

 

Stairs. Blue. Ache. Elizabeth. The first pop of gunfire was surreal, but he hit the floor. It was time to wake up and smell the blood. Kolya gave the collar a painful yank, and Rodney crawled towards him.

 

"Kolya!"

 

Kolya jumped into the event horizon, and Rodney wrapped his hand around the leash, refusing to go to hell without a fight. The weight began to drag him, and he scrabbled for something to keep him out. Blue. Right there. Someone crashed on top of him, a P-90 chattered, and a knife ripped the leash in half. The stargate snapped off. Survival surged through him, and he ran, stumbling.

 

"Rodney!" Elizabeth yelled, but he didn't slow down. They had two minutes. Maybe. He re-routed frantically.

 

Teyla supported a sagging Carson. "We're all here!"

 

"Do it, McKay!" Sheppard roared.

 

One button, and he felt the shield envelope them. It rose up from the ocean and over them like a comforting blanket on a cold day. He sat down heavily and watched the power race through the city. The storm threw itself at them, but they were safe. Safe. His arm dripped blood on the console, and he thought maybe he should do something about that.

 

"He's in shock," Elizabeth said.

 

Sheppard handed Rodney a pressure bandage, and he stared at it for a long moment before remembering how to use it.

 

"Carson's out of it." Sheppard tried to take the bandage back, and Rodney couldn't look at him.

 

"Leave it." Rodney got the hell away from Sheppard. The hero of Atlantis, saving the day and looking good doing it, while Rodney was nothing but a coward. Kolya had broken him. Broken. Him. He used his teeth, trying to get the bandage tight.

 

"Hey, buddy. Let me get that."

 

Rodney frowned, not wanting to be touched, not ever again. He jerked away and went back to the console.

 

"Rodney, how are we doing?" Elizabeth's voice made him flinch.

 

He checked everything first. "Shield is holding. Another four hours and the storm will pass over us." His skin crawled, and everyone stared at him. He went perfectly still, shut his own eyes for a moment, and then looked at her. "Four hours. Not one step outside this area."

 

Elizabeth nodded and pulled Sheppard aside to whisper at him. Rodney made busy with station after station, checking for damage but found remarkably little. If only they could power the shield like this all the time. Suddenly, he noticed his hands were shaking, and he wondered if they'd ever stopped. He checked the positions of everyone else and found a corner where he could shake without an audience.

 

His teeth chattered, and he ached everywhere. The ragged end of the leash hung on his chest, and he reached up to grab it tight. His neck was going to hurt for a week. Fingers fumbling, he unclipped it and stared down at it. A leash. He'd been leashed. Dragged around like Fido. He'd been a 'very good boy.'

 

"Dr. McKay?"

 

He looked up at Teyla's face. She extended a power bar towards him. He wanted to snatch it and run, but he was afraid to because she looked angry.

 

"Please. Take it." Her voice was softer this time, and he raised his hand slowly so she could change her mind. When she didn't, he took it.

 

"Thank you," he said, hoping she'd go away. She nodded, her hand dropping to her gun, and he flinched. "Please?" He didn't know why he said it, but it might help.

 

"Eat. Rest. There is time to heal." She left him, and he tore open the bar. He ate it fast before someone took it from him. Stupid to think that way, these were his friends, but nothing seemed sure any longer. He licked the paper for crumbs, noticing that he'd dropped the leash. No one would care, right? Elizabeth had seen. She'd tell them all how weak he'd been, and they might... might do something. He didn't know what.

 

Kolya had wanted to keep him, and Rodney shivered. He'd never appreciated that old line about a fate worse than death until today. It had to be better here, even if they knew how cowardly he was. One of the consoles beeped loudly.

 

"McKay! Get over here!"

 

Rodney ran before thinking. Sheppard crowded him, and he made a soft noise of fear.

 

"What's wrong?" Sheppard demanded.

 

"We're okay. Power levels are dropping because the storm is easing." Rodney checked it all to make sure, wishing he could run far away. "The shield is thinner but still up." He saw the frown on Sheppard's face. "I swear. We're fine."

 

"Easy, John," Elizabeth whispered. Rodney swallowed hard and hunched over his laptop. He could take some more punishment, if he had to, but he hadn't thought Sheppard was like that. Kolya laughed, and Rodney flinched even though the sound wasn't real, only in his head.

 

"I'm sorry?" Rodney hoped it was enough. Sheppard's jaw clenched and he nodded before striding away.

 

Elizabeth sat down in a chair that was close. "I'm still cold. You?"

 

He shivered but didn't nod. "You okay?"

 

"Shook up, but yes." Elizabeth edged closer. "Take off the collar, Rodney."

 

"What?" He reached up, touching it. Her eyes were sharp, and he raised his bloody hand. "I belong to Kolya now?" He tried to understand. Blackness pushed at his mind, and she narrowed her eyes.

 

_Kolya grinned and put him on his knees again._

 

"Sorry," he whispered, and the floor came up fast.

 

********

 

"Get that damn thing off him for starters!"

 

Focusing his eyes took a moment, but then Carson came into view. Rodney opened his mouth to complain about the roughness of his care, but Sheppard growled, "Lie still."

 

Rodney froze and hoped Sheppard didn't hit him. His arm ached like all hell, and Carson's face was bloodied and pale.

 

"Going to put a full emergency kit up here from now on," Carson muttered. "Rodney, the bleeding isn't stopping, and it should be as cold as you are." There was more than one bandage now, and they were tighter. "Move your fingers."

 

He did that. It hurt, but they worked. "You okay?"

 

"Aye. Concussed a bit but fine." Carson helped him sit up. "Keep your arm above your heart. That's all I can do until I can get you to the infirmary."

 

They exchanged a weary look. Rodney made a small gesture with his hand. "Lie down, and I'll clean that up."

 

Carson hesitated, and then did it. "Emergency cots up here too."

 

"Good idea." Rodney found what he needed in the kit and tried to be gentle, but he knew it had to hurt like hell. "Hit with a gun?"

 

"Aye." Carson winced. "Small cut?"

 

Rodney looked closely. "Yes. It's in your hair, and it's stopped bleeding, so I'll skip the bandage." He saw the tiny flashlight and held it up. "Should I check?"

 

"Go ahead." Carson sighed heavily. Rodney flicked the light several times across Carson's eyes, watching closely. Reaction seemed normal to him, but he wasn't a doctor.

 

"I'd say you're okay." Rodney put it away. He tried to think of something else he could do to help, but it was hard. "Tylenol?"

 

"Not in that kit. There's some morphine, but neither of us need that!"

 

"Speak for yourself," Rodney muttered. It was his turn to help Carson sit up. "Elizabeth usually has some Tylenol in her desk. You could ask."

 

Carson scooted closer. "I will." He put a gentle hand on Rodney's knee. "Can I take the collar off?"

 

Rodney didn't understand why everyone was obsessing about it. He ran his fingers over it. "Kolya said I'd be a good boy," he whispered, hating the words and the need he felt to say them.

 

"As if that could happen." Carson's sarcasm made Rodney want to smile. "Duck your head."

 

The console beeped again, Sheppard pounded up the stairs, and Rodney went to take care of it. Everything else could wait until the storm had passed.

 

"McKay?"

 

Another check, more data, and he was sure. "The storm shifted course enough to put us in the eye. The shield is collapsing." Elizabeth and Sheppard were close, and Rodney tried not to worry that they would hit him. "There's some minor flooding, but it can wait. Unless you want me to do it now. Do you want me to do it now?"

 

"No." Elizabeth shook her head. "Is there enough power left to put the shield up again?"

 

Rodney took a deep breath. For a moment, he'd been unable to think clearly. "The lightning will power us up again quick enough." It was the waves that worried him. He eased to his feet. "I need to check that." He pointed at a console. Sheppard and Elizabeth gave him a steady look, as if they were waiting for something, and he struggled for something to say. "Please?"

 

Sheppard furrowed his brow. "Well, go on. It's not like you need permission to keep us alive."

 

"Rodney, Kolya is dead. Concentrate on keeping this city together."

 

"Dead?" Rodney had a hard time believing that. The man was evil, tricky, and smarter than someone who lived with all that radiation should be.

 

"I sent a burst of bullets after him." Sheppard sounded confident. "He's dead."

 

"Not likely," Rodney muttered. He couldn't be that lucky. Sheppard frowned, and Rodney hurried to the other console before he took another punch to the face. Part of him knew he was being irrational. Sheppard wouldn't hit him, not hard. A smack here and there but nothing serious. Rodney forced himself to interpret the data. No huge waves heading their way. Fifteen minutes until the storm re-intensified. Flooding was minor, but Zelenka was going to curse about it.

 

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Carson, Sheppard, and Elizabeth go in her office. It was a relief until he saw the look Sheppard shot him. Anger. Pure and simple. Sheppard now knew that Rodney had let them down, crawled, and done everything Kolya had demanded of him. Coward didn't seem like a big enough word for him any longer.

 

If he'd have gone with Kolya, he wouldn't have had to see it. Sheppard had known Rodney wasn't brave, but now, now it was worse than that. Living at the end of Kolya's leash might have been easier than living with Sheppard knowing the truth.

 

Ten minutes. Rodney went back to his laptop. They had ten minutes. He got up and ran to the office.

 

"Carson! We have ten minutes. Come on!" He grabbed him. Carson protested, not understanding, and Rodney pulled harder. "Ten minutes to get what we need!"

 

Sheppard got between them, pushing Rodney away. "He's in no shape. Neither are you. I'll go. Stay here!"

 

Rodney fell down. He didn't know if it was the words or the tone or the shove, but he wasn't all that interested in getting up.

 

"Ford! With me! Teyla, watch her!" Sheppard raced across the bridge and down the stairs, and Rodney held his arm.

 

"Rodney?" Carson sank down next to him.

 

"Sorry." Rodney didn't know what else to say. He hoped this lack of vocabulary wasn't a permanent condition.

 

Carson patted him on the knee. "Rodney, I know you took several blows to the head. Take a deep breath and let it all settle."

 

"My face hurts." It did. Now that he thought about it, but the pain in his arm was much worse. "Bet yours does too."

 

"A wee bit." Carson got up and extended his hand. "How many more hours until we can go lie down?"

 

Rodney protected his arm as he let him pull. "At least three. I'll check the size of the storm again." He glanced at Elizabeth, and she nodded.

 

"How much time?" she asked.

 

He checked and opened a city-wide channel. "Eight minutes. Eight minutes." He snapped it off and obsessively went over everything again. Storms weren't predictable science, and this one could've taken out a continent back on Earth. "Uh, oh. The storm has grown considerably."

 

"Rodney?"

 

"Bigger, badder. It's not losing steam." Rodney checked his watch. "Get them back, now." He clicked city wide.

 

"Major Sheppard, return to the control tower immediately," Elizabeth said.

 

Carson put his hand on Rodney's shoulder. "How long?"

 

"Hours. Maybe six?" Rodney got up and went to her. "Elizabeth, take Carson and gate to safety. It's time. There's nothing further you can do here. Please."

 

Sheppard and Ford pounded into the control room, and Rodney initialized the sequence that would power up the shield after a few lightning strikes. He tried to convince her again. "Carson needs to rest. Seriously, there's no reason for you to stay. All of you."

 

"We got a few things." Sheppard set down an armful of MRE's. "Anyone hungry?"

 

Rodney would've killed for one. He would've, but he couldn't make himself go over there. Instead, he busied himself with the shield, and the lightning levels, and estimating the size of the storm.

 

"Rodney thinks we should evacuate further," Elizabeth said softly to Sheppard. "What's your opinion?"

 

Not looking at them was the way to go. Instead, he steadied Carson and then helped him sit down.

 

"How much longer?" Sheppard was not talking softly.

 

"Maybe six hours." Elizabeth answered, and Rodney was glad no one looked at him. He did all the math again to make sure it was at least six.

 

Sheppard made that noise that meant he was thinking. "He sure?"

 

"Are you sure, Rodney?" Elizabeth moved to him, and he tried very hard not to hunch his shoulders.

 

"I think it'll be more like eight." Rodney cradled his aching arm. "Get Carson to his team on the planet. At least do that."

 

The sudden silence was unnerving, and he hoped no one was angry at him for talking. He swallowed several times and shivered.

 

"Elizabeth, I think it would be a good idea. Our people on the other end are going to get antsy with every member of the senior staff here." Sheppard was using his charm. "I'd also prefer Sora be as far away from Rodney as possible."

 

"I should stay." Elizabeth didn't sound firm on that point. "You take them."

 

Rodney looked now, and he could see that Sheppard wasn't finished.

 

Sheppard frowned. "Rodney and I will be fine. He'll keep the shield up, and I'll keep him up. Go. Please."

 

She gave in gracefully, and Rodney hurried to dial the gate. He noticed Sheppard pulling Teyla aside, and Ford helped Carson, and suddenly they were gone. The quiet made him nervous, and he usually babbled when he was nervous, but all he wanted to do was crawl to a corner somewhere and hide.

 

"I found your jacket." Sheppard tossed it at him. He missed, of course, but he picked it up and put it on quickly. The warmth felt good, and he went back to his laptop. The shield held, and at least Sheppard wouldn't want to talk. He hated that stuff. Rodney awkwardly zipped his coat and hunkered down to wait out the storm.

 

"You have to eat." Sheppard held out an MRE. "That's an order."

 

Shaking, Rodney took it. "I would have gotten one."

 

"Yesterday, you would've knocked me down for one." Sheppard sounded irritated.

 

Rodney drew the line at saying that it was a new day, and he was scared. It was incredibly obvious anyway. He heated the meal and ate it, keeping his gaze to himself. Being scared of Sheppard was stupid, but it wasn't necessarily him, just life in general right now.

 

"Take the collar off." Sheppard pulled up a chair and sat down next to him. "Now."

 

He dropped his fork. Sheppard picked it up and handed it back to him. Rodney tried to be angry. He was good at angry. Hell, he was great at angry.

 

"Don't you think I tried?" Rodney barely remembered fumbling at it, but it hadn't given, and he'd quit trying before he was punched in the face by Kolya again. His hands shook again, and he put the pouch down before he dropped it. He'd failed at anger. He'd failed. Sheppard was breathing hard, and that fact sank into Rodney's brain the instant before he reached.

 

"Let me." Sheppard's hand came for him fast, hard, and Rodney jerked. He fell on his ass, scrambling away, nothing in his mind but fear and loathing. The loathing was for himself. It battered him worse than Kolya had. Tucking his knees up tight, he put his arms on them and hid his eyes. The world went away, and he understood ostriches better. The ache in his arm beat in rhythm with his heart. He was not going to faint again, but wow, it'd be nice.

 

When the world slowed down again, he became aware of Sheppard's boots, right next to him. He looked up into brownish eyes. "Sorry?" he choked out.

 

Sheppard knelt. "What did he do?" Anger rippled off him, threatening to drown Rodney.

 

"Broke me?" Rodney didn't think Sheppard wanted a minute-by-minute recap of the day. "Made me a slave?"

 

"In two hours?" Sheppard shook his head. "Buck up, McKay! He sliced you, fed you a line of bullshit, pushed you around, and you still managed to get rid of them and save the city! How much of a hero do you want to be?"

 

Rodney felt his jaw drop. "I did everything he said! I gave him everything he wanted! He said I was a good boy!"

 

Sheppard sat down heavily. "Yes, he was a son-of-a-bitch, but you won!"

 

"I'd be kneeling by his leg, if you hadn't cut the leash," Rodney mumbled, unsure of what to believe.

 

"Any of us might be," Sheppard said. "Did he do anything but hit you and cut you?" His eyes were wide, dark.

 

The question hung in the air, like pollution. Rodney shuddered. He looked away and tried to remember everything. "I have blank spots in my memory."

 

"Doesn't mean anything. Elizabeth said you saved her life." Sheppard's voice was low and firm. "You held it together, got the job done, so let's take off the collar and move on."

 

Rodney braced his good arm on the floor and got to his feet. It was time to check power levels, flooding, and a whole bunch of other stuff. He was keenly aware that he was avoiding looking at Sheppard.

 

"How are we doing?"

 

Reaching for a button without thinking, he hissed in pain. Carefully, he put his arm across his chest, and used the other hand. The pulsing faded away, but he thought he could feel a trickle of blood. Damn that Kolya. "Guess it's better than being blind," he mumbled.

 

Sheppard leaned closer to him. "Blind?"

 

Telling him wasn't easy. It took a deep breath and a few more sensor checks. "He was going to take my eye, if I didn't tell him the plan." Rodney had a sudden terrible thought. "They gated in using someone's IDC. Someone we trust. Kolya probably still has it."

 

"He's dead," Sheppard said.

 

"Can't kill the devil." Rodney made sure the shield was holding. "If he tries to come back..." He couldn't finish the sentence from the fear.

 

Sheppard sighed. "Take the gate off the grid until after the storm and our Marines come home."

 

Relief poured through him. He went quickly to the DHD and began taking it off-line. It wasn't exactly easy one-handed, but Sheppard gave him a hand, literally, and he felt much safer when it was over.

 

"Let's hope no one needs to come home."

 

"They have all the guns." Rodney tried to reassure him. He eyed the pile of supplies and wondered if Sheppard would mind. They exchanged a look that was impossible for him to understand. "Water?"

 

With a nod, Sheppard went to the stack and got him a bottle. "Blankets and bedrolls. Let's make you a spot to lie down. I'll keep watch."

 

That was very tempting. Rodney didn't think he'd ever sleep again, but being flat would be nice. He shrugged, and Sheppard took that as consent. Not much later, there was a makeshift bed near his laptop and it seemed ungrateful not to sit on it. Sheppard with his P-90, looking as if he could kill Genii before breakfast and still eat, was somewhat comforting.

 

"Relax. No one but me and you and if there is, I'll shoot them."

 

Almost slouching down, he sat up stiffly. "You think they could still be here?" He caught the look. "Of course not, they'd be fried, but you checked under the stairs right?"

 

Sheppard gave him a steady stare. "I'll go look, if it'll make you feel better."

 

He gave a stiff nod and held his suddenly throbbing arm tight. "Please." He tried to sound forceful, but from the look on Sheppard's face, it hadn't been. Sheppard snapped up his P-90 and went into commando mode. Rodney tried not to cower. He would've felt safer if he had his gun with him. Maybe he should start wearing it all the time.

 

There were some noises from down below, and he abandoned the blankets for the nearest corner. Scientists were supposed to hide - that was the rule - but it was bare comfort. All his life he'd been a coward; that was why he'd worn underwear on his head at lunch in grade school. It'd never actually bothered him until Kolya collared him like a dog, except that dogs were usually brave. The allegory fell apart and he grabbed the collar, trying to pull it off. All he did was hurt his neck.

 

"McKay?"

 

He let go of the collar and peeked around the corner. "Anything?"

 

"Dead guy under the stairs. I made sure he was dead." Sheppard picked up a canteen and took a long drink. Rodney decided to do the same. He ended up back on the blankets, but he checked the weather first. Eight hours, give or take fifteen minutes. Dead guys. There were more than a few scattered through the city.

 

"How many did you kill?" Rodney asked quietly.

 

"More than I wanted to." Sheppard shrugged in his way and sat down in the chair near Rodney's laptop on the console. "Rest. I'll wake you up if it beeps."

 

"As if I won't hear it." Rodney lay flat on his back, put his hurt arm across his chest, and thought about Sheppard's answer. "How many did you want to kill?"

 

"Just Kolya." Sheppard didn't hesitate to answer.

 

Rodney wasn't sure he should tell him, but it might be important to future missions. "You killed his son with the shield trick you pulled."

 

Sheppard turned his head so he was looking down at him. "You're sure?"

 

"He quizzed Sora about it and then shoved me against the railing and shook me like a rat." Rodney could feel the deep bruises on his back. "I thought he'd throw me over."

 

Trying to figure out Sheppard was never easy. He was the toughest formula that Rodney would never crack, but that twitch along his jaw line was a clue that he wasn't happy. "Guess we can mark them off the potential allies list," he said with considerable sarcasm.

 

Against Rodney's will, a raw chuckle came out. "I think that's a given. I don't like tava beans anyway."

 

Sheppard's shoulders slumped and he put his elbows on the console. "Don't like hurricanes either."

 

Rodney couldn't help the shiver that raced over him. He was still cold, and he doubted his boxers were dry yet. Sheppard walked away and then came back to put a blanket over him. He tried not to clutch it. "Thanks." He shut his eyes and tried not to think about all the ways he'd almost been killed in the last few hours. Images flashed against his eyelids until he gave up and stared at the ceiling. "I should work on something."

 

"Work on sleeping." Sheppard stretched back in the chair and laced his fingers behind his head. "Eight hours of down time and I can't golf," he grumbled. He sounded serious, but Rodney had a feeling that it was Sheppard's way of avoiding thinking about all the killing in the last few hours.

 

"You okay?" Rodney didn't have any other words to express his concern. Military was one thing. Slaughter was another. "With everything?"

 

Sheppard didn't look at him. "They didn't give me any choice but to kill them. If they'd have stayed home, they'd be alive."

 

"And I wouldn't be bleeding." Rodney told the truth from his point of view. "I wanted you to kill them all. They thought it was hilarious to slice me up."

 

"Bastards," Sheppard whispered. He stood up, stretched, and walked out on the bridge to Elizabeth's office. Rodney watched him lean against the rail, staring down at the stargate. He certainly didn't look as if he needed comfort, but Rodney wanted to give it to him. Getting up was surprisingly easy, and he wandered over to lean next to him.

 

"Thanks." It was the least he could say. He kept his face turned away so he didn't have to see if Sheppard cared or not. Sheppard took an audible breath, and their elbows bumped. A small touch, but comforting nonetheless, and it was all Rodney could handle.

 

"I figured you'd complain from the bruises I must have left on your back." Sheppard nudged him again, and Rodney controlled a flinch.

 

Finding a smile was impossible. "Shoulders mostly. I think you snapped my clavicle. Next time you save me from a life of slavery and degradation, try harder not to break me, okay?"

 

Sheppard put his head down for a second. Rodney worried he might be getting a slap, but Sheppard glanced at him and it wasn't anger on his face. "You always make me feel better."

 

"You thrive on insults." Rodney stood up straight and tried to stretch. His muscles hated him. He had to ask one important thing. "You aren't mad at me?" He edged closer, trying to see the truth. The truth might really hurt, but it was better to know. "For being so weak?" He added that when Sheppard said nothing.

 

"I'm mad at you for continuing to wear that damn collar!" Sheppard nearly blew Rodney's hair back. "Why aren't you whining about it, pulling at it, demanding I get a blowtorch and do something?" he yelled.

 

The flinch was uncontrollable. Rodney stumbled two steps back. The insistent beeping of a console saved him, and he went to do that before even thinking about why. "We're losing power. Not enough lightning." He hurried to check another console. "Seems we've hit a lull in the storm."

 

"Can you fix it?"

 

Rodney almost glared at Sheppard for saying the all-too-familiar words. "No, I cannot make the lightning." He studied the data stream for a few moments. "I'm going to thin the shield as much as possible. We may have some additional flooding."

 

"But we won't drown, right?"

 

"We can always hope." Rodney made the adjustments quickly before they lost the shield altogether. It was silly to listen for the storm, but he did. Nothing, and it was a tiny bit reassuring. Sheppard practically leaned over Rodney's shoulder, and Rodney could see him in the reflection on the laptop.

 

"We okay?" Sheppard's words were soft, and Rodney had the feeling they were talking about more than the shield.

 

Taking another minute to think about it couldn't hurt. He ignored a physical checklist, his body hated him, but mentally he was a wreck too. Gently, he rubbed his cheek. It hurt, courtesy of Kolya's fist. "I'm afraid."

 

"Of what?" Sheppard moved around the console until they were looking straight at each other.

 

Telling him the truth was hard. The truth was one of those things that could rarely be quantified. It was frustrating actually. "There are so many things, but I'm afraid he made me less than I was, and I wasn't much. This whole bravery thing has always been iffy. Usually I'm panicking, so that I look brave when I'm not." He took a deep breath.

 

"You look brave?" Sheppard raised one eyebrow.

 

Rodney sighed from frustration. He assumed it was teasing, but he was never quite sure. "Guess not. The point is: I don't think I can even fake it anymore. When this is over, I'm hiding under my bed and never coming out. This galaxy is far, far too dangerous for someone with my lack of--" He couldn't think of a word.

 

"Courage?"

 

"Exactly," Rodney said. He should pack up and go home to his cat. Little problem of power, but he'd work harder on that from underneath his bed. It wasn't as if he were needed in the lab. Zelenka would probably be relieved. Pushing all his ramblings aside, he looked up into Sheppard's face. "What?"

 

Sheppard narrowed his eyes. "Courage is when you do what's right even though you're so scared you could wet yourself. Cowards don't even try. They run and hide."

 

"Which is exactly what I'm going to do." Rodney refused to meet that steely look. "As soon as the city's safe." He got up and headed for the MRE's. Eating again might help drive the shakes away. His hands were mostly steady now, but he could still feel a tremble in his gut. He took it back to his blankets, no reason to be uncomfortable. Sheppard slid into the chair. He seemed to be studying the data. Rodney ate slowly, trying not to worry about anything and everything.

 

"I think the storm is picking up again." Sheppard's hand hovered over the keys, and Rodney almost snapped at him not to touch anything. "Flooding is getting worse."

 

Rodney set the food away and got up as far as his knees to look at the laptop display. "Lightning strikes have increased by forty percent. Ease the shield back to full power." He knew Sheppard could do it. The man played dumb occasionally, but it was nothing but play. Sheppard glanced at him and then did it. Rodney nodded. "Good." He suddenly realized that he was on his knees next to him and blushed. His heart raced, and he dropped back down to his ass, hoping Sheppard hadn't noticed.

 

"Too bad this won't work against the Wraith," Sheppard muttered. He studied the laptop intently. "We could try to build up a store of energy, but I bet it wouldn't last ten minutes." He snorted. "It's never easy."

 

That was a good idea for any number of reasons. "Ten minutes that we could use to evacuate everyone to a safe location," Rodney said. "Can't have lightning blasting down the hallways, but maybe I could..." He tilted his head and ran through a few scenarios. He'd talk to Zelenka about it. Another project to get started and see where it went. He idly finished his food while thinking.

 

"Ten minutes would be good," Sheppard said in his deep voice. "Thirty would be better."

 

"Yes, yes, always the pie in the sky with you. Never happy with the little I can give, you demand the most." Rodney didn't have energy to glare like usual. "And if I can't actually do it, then you think I'm lying about it!"

 

"You do lie about it."

 

"Well, there is that," Rodney mumbled. He hated it when Sheppard had all the answers. "You should eat. Shooting your gun for hours can make you hungry."

 

"Everything makes you hungry." Sheppard didn't look happy, but he wandered over to the stack of food. Rodney looked away, deciding to lie down and close his eyes for two minutes. Sheppard had it under control. He always did. "Rodney, don't pass out on me."

 

Realizing he might have slumped over rather precipitously, Rodney tucked his arm above his heart and waved with the other to reassure him. The floor had never felt better.

 

_"Good boy," Kolya whispered, tracing his finger around Rodney's face. "You're mine, and you'll stay that way."_

_Rodney's knees ached and he stayed still so he wasn't hit again, but it was the hardest thing he'd ever done._

_"Where is Sheppard?" Kolya's voice was dangerous. "Where would he go?"_

_A deep breath just delayed his answer. "He's military. I'm not. Atlantis is huge." He kept his head low, but Kolya's fist had no trouble finding him. "I don't know! He's crazy enough to kill you all!"_

_"Cowen's report on your mission to my home world indicated that you and Sheppard are close friends. Give me your best guess." Kolya began wrapping the leash around his fist, pulling him close enough to smell the radiation. "Now."_

_"Close friends? I do what he says!" The leash wrapped another turn. "Stick that knife anywhere you want, but I don't know!" Sounding insanely desperate was easy._

_Kolya's eyes glittered and he grabbed Rodney by the arm. The pain ripped and he screamed, and screamed._

 

"Rodney!"

 

"No! No!" Rodney fought to get away. He covered his face, struggling.

 

"It's me!"

 

Rodney snuck a peek. "Kolya?" he whispered before he could stop himself.

 

"No!" Sheppard snapped. Collapsing against him, Rodney held his arm tightly and tried to breathe his way through the pain. He'd had a few injuries in his life, but nothing, nothing had ever hurt like this, and he tried not to gasp with each breath. Sheppard didn't shove him away. "It's okay. Just try to breathe."

 

Denying that it would ever be 'okay' again was a waste of air that he needed. Instead he mumbled thanks and refused to let go of him until the shaking stopped. The realization that it could take years made him pull slightly, and Sheppard turned him loose instantly.

 

"Better?"

 

"Yeah." Rodney had to get up, prove to himself that they were gone and the shield was holding against the storm. He clutched at Sheppard's arm for a moment and then staggered to the rail. "He's really gone."

 

Sheppard put his hand on the small of Rodney's back. "Yes. What did you dream?" The question was low, husky.

 

The urge to complain, wave his hand, and march away took over, but Rodney turned enough to see Sheppard's face and couldn't do any of it. "He was questioning me about you." He would've had to be blind - shiver - to miss the look of thunder that he got. "I didn't tell him anything!"

 

"That's not the point! You should've lied, made up some stuff, so he wouldn't hit you!" Sheppard yelled right back at him.

 

"I couldn't - didn't - think that-" Rodney gave up trying to explain. "It was my first painful interrogation! I'm sure I'll do better next time!" The thought made him wince. "From under my bed."

 

"You'll get hungry," Sheppard growled. "I don't suppose anyone ever told you what you should do if you were captured by the enemy."

 

Trying not to quiver, he shook his head. "No. Maybe, you should give classes?" He wasn't going to attend, but he'd make sure everyone else did. "Short ones, that don't make my people pass out."

 

"Maybe I should." Sheppard's hand was still on Rodney's back, and Rodney knew they never touched, so it was something important. He turned a little, wanting to understand. Sheppard flushed. "Come sit down. Let me take it off."

 

Rodney ducked his head and followed the slight tug back to his bedroll. Sheppard pointed, but it wasn't that easy. They fumbled, and Rodney didn't know what to do with his legs. Abruptly he knelt, and Sheppard turned beet red, his lips a jagged line.

 

Words clumped in Rodney's throat, and he was getting sick of it. Sheppard sat down heavily in the closest chair and pulled it close. "Hold still," he said hoarsely.

 

Tilting his head to the side, Rodney swallowed hard and tried to find some witty comment or complaint, but he had nothing. Sheppard gently touched him, and he nearly fell down from the long fingers on his neck. They didn't look directly at each other, but he could feel his blood pressure going through the roof.

 

"Damn thing doesn't have a hook, or a latch," Sheppard said softly. He moved his face closer, and Rodney accidentally looked at him. His eyes were almost slits, but his fingers were still easy.

 

"Forget it." Rodney tugged his head away. "Zelenka will figure it out."

 

Sheppard frowned. "Let me try!"

 

"Damn it," Rodney muttered and put his neck back in Sheppard's warm hands. Muttered curses close to his ear didn't inspire confidence, and he finally looked up, effectively silencing him. "John, stop. It's okay." He didn't know where he found the words.

 

"It's not!" Sheppard flung himself up, breaking contact. "You're not his! You're--" His hand dropped to his gun. "Not his!" he yelled again.

 

Rodney sat firmly down, trying to hear the unspoken words. "I'm not his," he repeated weakly. He had been, for far too long, even one minute being too long. Looking up desperately, he wished Sheppard had succeeded in getting it off. "Try your knife."

 

"That's nothing but further proof that Kolya unhinged that big brain of yours." Sheppard lowered his eyebrows and looked fierce. "It's too tight. I'd cut you, and you've bled enough for one day. Sora will tell us the trick or I'll--" He stopped again.

 

"Further?" Rodney latched on to that. "I'll have you know I haven't exhibited any strange behavior!"

 

"Other than the cowering, wincing, occasional soft sob, and looking as if you were terrorized within an inch of your life: you're right." Sheppard immediately turned away, and Rodney wanted to jump up and kick him in the ass, even if it was true. Whipping back around, Sheppard went to one knee next to him. "Look. I'm sorry. I'm angry."

 

"I noticed." Rodney had thought it was anger at him, but it clearly wasn't. He believed that now. "I'm not brave. Not ever. You know that."

 

Sheppard reached, dropped his hand, lifted it again, and placed it gingerly on Rodney's shoulder. He looked as if he might yell. "You are - in your own way. You can take this thing with Kolya and let it break you, or you can remember that you won, he lost, and next time you'll kick his ass harder."

 

Rodney thought that was an incredible exaggeration of the events that had occurred, but he appreciated the sentiment. "Or I could crawl under the bed!" He tried to smile, but he didn't manage it. "You won. Me, not so much, but I made it through. I guess survival of any sort in this galaxy is a victory." He said the words, and he believed them, and the collar weighed much less than it had moments ago. "Are you okay?"

 

"No, but I will be." Sheppard gave him a tiny shake. "Check everything, will ya?"

 

"Sure." Rodney was glad for the hand up, and he almost felt steady on his feet. "Thanks. For trying. With the, you know." He couldn't say the word. The shield was holding steady or steady enough, and the storm was still huge. "Five more hours? I must have slept." He only remembered the nightmare.

 

There wasn't an answer, so Rodney looked for him. Sheppard wasn't in sight. Before worry set in, he wandered up the stairs. He looked sorta guilty.

 

"What did you do?" Rodney couldn't help but ask.

 

"Nothing." Sheppard's eyes shifted. He looked down at his boots and then up. "I had to--. And there isn't a--"

 

Rodney's eyes widened in comprehension. "Elizabeth is going to kill you!"

 

"Don't tell her!" Sheppard suddenly grinned. "Needed water anyway."

 

They laughed together, and Rodney didn't understand why he felt better, but he did. "Third plant on the left?"

 

"Second." Sheppard got out of the way as Rodney went to water the plants of Atlantis. It was unhygienic and he couldn't wash his hands, but they were roughing it. The opened medical kit was still on the floor, and he sat down to find an alcohol wipe. After using it, he felt less filthy, and he carefully peeled off his jacket to check his arm.

 

"Christ, Rodney, are you going to bleed to death?" Sheppard stared for one second and then dropped down beside him. "I'm serious!"

 

Rodney didn't know it had bled. He must've banged it, tussling with nightmares. "Should we bandage it again?"

 

Sheppard nodded firmly. "And we'll sling it up so you can't move it."

 

"It's going to hurt." Rodney didn't bother making it a question. "Let's not." He was going to get up, but he caught the look on Sheppard's face. "You're going to make this an order, aren't you?"

 

"Hold still and let me get it done." Sheppard set it aside his P-90. Rodney looked the other way, clenched his jaw, and tried not to hear the small gasp of surprise when the bloody bandages fell away. Sheppard said quietly, "This needs more stitches than I can count."

 

"And you're a math major. I am in trouble." Rodney tried not to sob from pain. He peeked and wished he hadn't. "I may have to pass out now."

 

"Go ahead. You earned it, buddy." Sheppard worked fast, and Rodney tried not to lean on him for strength, but he ended up there. Breathing was work. He wanted to howl and scream. Sheppard fashioned a rough sling, and Rodney gasped when it was tied around his neck and shoulder.

 

"Stay with me. I'm almost done," Sheppard muttered. He held him. "Yell if you need to."

 

"If I start, I'm never going to stop." Rodney heard his voice crack. "Barbarians. Radiation has obviously damaged not only their intellect but their sense of compassion for their fellow man."

 

Sheppard made one last adjustment. "That's it. Now you can tell me how stupid they are." He scooted enough to lean against the wall but he didn't turn loose of Rodney.

 

Rodney found himself slumping against Sheppard's tac-vest. His heart was trying to beat its way out of his chest. Shutting his eyes, he tried to breathe deeply enough to complain some more.

 

_"I am going to kill Sheppard." Kolya's voice would've made babies cry. "Bring him to me alive!"_

_Waiting, leashed, Rodney tried to make himself smaller. Elizabeth had been taken back to the control tower, but Kolya had made several stops along the way. He acted as if they had all the time in the world. They didn't. The lightning was coming for them, and telling him would be a mistake._

_"Does he know to retreat to the gateroom?" Kolya's fist was up, ready._

_"It was in the initial briefing." Rodney couldn't seem to lie to him. "But he doesn't always listen."_

_Kolya frowned. "He's no fool. He listens to your prattle."_

_"I doubt it." Rodney wanted to plant doubt in Kolya's mind. "Did he take a jumper out? He could've escaped to the mainland."_

_"Shut up." Kolya backhanded him. "All teams fall back to the control tower. Watch for Sheppard."_

_Rodney tried to scramble up, but Kolya shoved him down with his boot._

_"Will he care that I've made you mine?" Kolya sounded disinterested, bored. "Are you more than friends?" He kicked him in the leg. "Answer me!"_

_"No! He won't give a damn! I'm nothing but a whiny pain in the ass, and he'll be glad to be rid of me!" Rodney tried to protect his arm. "He may send you a thank you card!"_

_Kolya laughed, and it was a terrible sound. "I'll ask him. Right before I kill him."_

 

"Wake up, Rodney."

 

"You're not dead," Rodney said groggily, unsure if he should believe his eyes.

 

Sheppard helped him sit up under his own power. "Is your drool poisonous?"

 

"Ha. Ha." Rodney staggered up for what had to be the fiftieth time in what was turning out to be the longest day of his life, and then he heard the beeping. Trying to move, he tripped, and Sheppard caught him. They went to the consoles together, and he was achingly glad for the hand under his arm. "The lightning is starting to beat the hell out of the city."

 

"Do something about it." Sheppard always wanted miracles. Rodney took a minute to think. His brain felt like burned-out conduits.

 

"I could shut everything down but the shield. Lights, everything. It'd help." It was all Rodney could think of to do. He waited, looking up at him. "Your decision."

 

With a small sigh, Sheppard smacked the back of Rodney's head. "Do it. I don't understand why half the time you frantically make decisions without me and the rest of the time you wait! It doesn't make any sense!"

 

"Are you ranting at me?" Rodney wanted to stare in disbelief, but he had work to do, and he began moving from console to console. One by one he shut down the generators and anything else that glowed. The dark dropped around them, and the light of Sheppard's P-90 cut it. Technically, it was day time, but the storm blocked out nearly all the light. Moving back to his laptop, he made sure everything was holding and then looked at him. "It's a time thing. If we're going to die in sixty seconds, I do what's necessary to keep us alive. If there's more than, say, three minutes, I let you give the order. Simple, really."

 

"Let me?" Sheppard sounded upset. Rodney made one more adjustment and then waited to see if the shield would stay up. It did. So it was mostly dark, but there'd be a lot less to repair at the end of this. He stood, the city spun around twice, and he sat down on his bedroll. For some reason, he was very tired. Sheppard eased him down flat. "You've lost a lot of blood."

 

Sheppard's face was a mix of dark and light. His eyes were blown wide, and Rodney ached to pull him close, hold on forever even though it would hurt.

 

"I'll be here. Sleep."

 

"Sure," Rodney whispered. Closing his eyes was a bad idea. Kolya waited for him - the bastard. Sheppard clicked off the light, but he didn't leave. He was close, and Rodney grabbed at him. All he found was a bony knee to hang on to, but it was enough. "Sorry," he whispered.

 

The slight huff of an exasperated breath reassured him that it was okay, or at least Sheppard wasn't going to smack him.

 

_Kolya stopped right inside the control room door. "Kneel down, slave."_

_"But, but--" Rodney saw the fist coming and hit the floor, but it still hurt. He would kneel here, in pain, and get cooked. The injustice of it overwhelmed him._

_"Which way will he come in?" Kolya turned and drew his gun. He placed the barrel against Rodney's forehead. "In your expert opinion." The sarcasm was unmistakable._

_Rodney went with the truth. "Did you know Major Sheppard was considered a rogue back on our home world? They said he couldn't be trusted to follow rules or basic orders. Fiercely loyal, trained to kill, he also possesses a rare gift that makes Atlantis love him best. He is her favorite son. She'll open doors for him that didn't exist before he got there. He could and probably is already here, waiting to kill you. If he doesn't get you, the city might." He laughed in a manner that he hoped was slightly insane. It was exactly how he felt, kneeling in the hall, waiting to be incinerated when one good push would get him to safety._

_"Fascinating. Killing him will that much more satisfying." Kolya holstered his gun. He started walking, and Rodney bumbled up to follow him. "Did I say you could stand?"_

_Resistance was futile, so he crawled, leaving bloody handprints on the floor. Jean-Luc Picard had saved the day in the end, but Rodney doubted he'd even be conscious. The stairs were incredibly high, and he began to gasp for air._

_"Dr. McKay!"_

 

Rodney sat up, gasping for air and then screeching in pain. The dark assaulted him, and he flailed right into a solid body.

 

"Not again. Please." Sheppard's voice was right in Rodney's ear. "Settle down. There's no one here but us."

 

"You sure?" Rodney wanted to crawl under him.

 

"Yes, I am." Sheppard grabbed Rodney's free hand. "Stop hitting me!"

 

"Sorry." Rodney tried to breathe. He had to move, get up, and he headed right for the closest door. It led out to the balcony where he'd be fried instantly. Sheppard got there first and simply planted himself in the way. Rodney was afraid he'd made another of those sobby noises that men shouldn't make. "Let's just look out at the storm," he pleaded.

 

Sheppard shook that stubborn head of his. "It might arc in, which you know. Back to your pallet. I'll get you some food."

 

"Not hungry." Rodney felt nauseous. He shivered and tried to look out the glass, but there was nothing to see. Reluctantly, he edged back through the darkness. His laptop was a beacon, and he sat in front of it to check the data and fuss with his sling. As if his neck didn't already ache like all hell.

 

"You're not hungry?" Sheppard sounded alarmed. "Are you running a fever?"

 

"Probably." Rodney re-calculated the storm size for what he hoped was the last time. "Two more hours, give or take fifteen minutes. We're on the outer edges of the storm. If the shield collapsed now, we might survive."

 

"Might?"

 

"Most likely." He was accustomed to the pain now, but he trembled from a fresh ache that swept over him. Wiping his forehead, he bit his lower lip. "Can you see if Elizabeth has any Tylenol in her desk?"

 

"Sure, buddy. Hang on." Sheppard and his light moved away, and Rodney made the decision to thin the shield again. Belatedly, he realized he should've asked. Waiting for him seemed to take forever, but it was too dark to go stumbling around. Sheppard's light bobbed back to him. "Couldn't find anything."

 

Spotting a canteen, Rodney went to get it and drained it dry. "I thinned the shield again. If we ended this with a tiny reserve, it'd be nice."

 

"The end will be nice."

 

"Baby-sitting is such a chore," Rodney said as sarcastically as possible.

 

Sheppard laughed, not the noisy one that made Rodney's ears ache. "You've got to be feeling better."

 

Rodney snorted. "Not likely. Let's give it one hour and then repair the DHD. I'm sure it'll take our people a while to pack up and get home."

 

"Sounds like a plan." Sheppard walked right up to him. "You're weaving." He slung Rodney's arm over his shoulder. "Pallet."

 

"Sit with me?" Rodney felt his face flush. He hadn't meant to say it, acting like the weakling he was.

 

"Yeah." Sheppard helped him down. "Not long now. I should've swapped you out for Zelenka."

 

Being offended was easy, but doing anything about it was tough. "I knew you liked him more than me," he muttered. This time, he wasn't falling asleep. One more dream about Kolya and he was writing off sleep forever. As it was, he wanted to pile on top of Sheppard and curl up like a cat.

 

Sheppard offered his thigh as a pillow, and Rodney put his head on it before thinking that it was a very strange thing to do. "Thanks." He shut his eyes, but he wasn't sleeping.

 

A gentle hand came down to rest on Rodney's neck. "If he's not dead, I'll kill that bastard next time."

 

"Let's use explosives," Rodney mumbled. The quiet settled over him, and Sheppard was touching him, and the galaxy almost felt like a friendly place. Living under his bed was a great idea, but he'd miss Sheppard.

 

"I'll wake you in an hour."

 

Rodney didn't bother to tell him that sleep wasn't happening. Time slid away, with him resting, and he almost thought the parts of him that Kolya had ripped apart were beginning to stitch themselves back together. Coward, yes, but he'd won in the end. It meant something.

 

"I'm not a good boy," he said to hear the words. "Not ever."

 

"Ain't that the truth." Sheppard smoothed his hand over Rodney's hair. "If he'd have broken you, you'd have gone through the gate with him. You were fighting for every inch."

 

"I didn't want to live in hell." Rodney liked the touch so very much. "Here is bad enough."

 

Sheppard thumped him on the forehead. "Here is pretty damn good. Now shut up and rest."

 

"No more dreams." Rodney pretended to sleep, and he nearly smiled when Sheppard stroked him again.

 

"Rodney, it's been an hour." Sheppard flexed his thigh muscle, making Rodney's head bounce. "So, wake up."

 

"Five more minutes, Mom." Rodney rubbed his eyes and yelped when his pillow was taken away and his head bonked down on the blankets.

 

Sheppard stood and stretched. "Stop dreaming about Colonel Carter, and let's fix the DHD."

 

"She'd be better than Kolya. Snakes would be better than him." Rodney grabbed Sheppard's forearm and hauled himself up. "Scorpions too."

 

"Lemons?" Sheppard smirked but didn't let him fall down.

 

Rodney heard his back pop. "Usually that dream involves a lot of gasping for air, but yes." With a groan, he re-activated the generator that ran the gateroom. "Some light will help." He wasn't enthusiastic about crawling under the console, but it had been his idea to take the thing apart. Sheppard had dark circles under his eyes, and Rodney knew they were both about done here. "How about you crawl under there and I hand you the crystals?"

 

With a skeptical look, and after putting aside his gun, Sheppard did just that. "If it blows up, you're to blame."

 

"You can't be dumber than Kavanagh." Rodney handed him the first crystal. "Start on the right, work left, and don't force them."

 

"You'd think taking out one would do the job," Sheppard grumbled.

 

"Redundant systems. The Ancients loved them." Rodney was careful not to fumble them with his one hand. "Doing okay?"

 

"They're not shattering." Sheppard gave a small grunt. "Yet."

 

Rodney rolled his eyes. "I'm filled with confidence. I should harangue at you to hurry, but I'm too tired."

 

Sheppard shifted around, digging one heel into the floor. "We're not going to die in three minutes or less so you can wait for me to get it right."

 

"You get all the luck." Rodney listened for the snick that meant it was fitting correctly, and he thought he heard it. He waited until Sheppard reached before offering the next crystal. "I should fire a gun at you, and we'll see how fast you get them in."

 

"Point." Sheppard sounded convinced, but they both knew he'd yell the next time also. Rodney shifted his arm about, trying to find a position that didn't make him want to curse. He missed the hand until it whapped him on the leg. "Any day now."

 

"Sorry." Rodney handed him the next one.

 

Sheppard sighed. "Quit saying that! You never say that! Not even when you should!"

 

There was nothing to say to that. Rodney swallowed hard and nearly said it again. "After I sleep twelve hours, I'll be back to myself." He shivered. "You know, that guy who annoys the hell out of you."

 

"I like him fine." Sheppard was ready for another one. He was getting faster. Rodney handed it over and decided to stop talking. He was tired, exhausted really, and liable to say anything. One more crystal, and then anxiety would keep him going until everyone was home. Sheppard tapped him again, and he passed it to him.

 

It worried him a little when Sheppard didn't scoot out. "Everything okay?"

 

"I think so. One has a slight color flaw." Sheppard scrunched his way from underneath. "That bad?"

 

Rodney groaned. "It'll crack if we dial the gate. Taking it out damaged it." He didn't waste time with guilt. "Pull it out, and I'll try to find a replacement."

 

Sheppard frowned. "This isn't good."

 

Choking back the urge to apologize, he shrugged. "I'll find something. Chop chop."

 

"Funny." Sheppard ducked back under and came out with it moments later. Rodney held it up and peered at it. It was broke. He sighed and thought about it before moving. Sheppard put his hand on Rodney's good shoulder. "Need help?"

 

"Almost certainly, unless you want me to take off this stupid sling." Rodney stood. "Let's start over there." He waved his hand at one of the consoles they hadn't managed to get working. "You pull crystals. I'll see if it matches."

 

They got to work after that, and it only took a good thirty crystals before they found a match. He studied it carefully, looking for damage, before pronouncing it worth a try.

 

"I guess you don't keep a box of extras up here."

 

"Oh, yes, they're in a nearby closet. I just enjoy watching you dismantle equipment!" Rodney went back to the DHD. "Now, crawl your skinny ass under there, and let's get this done!"

 

Sheppard's eyes were very round. "Wow. Grouchy. Think you were tired or something." He crawled, Rodney handed, and the sound of it clicking into place was reassuring. "We're gonna blow up, aren't we?"

 

"Maybe. Yes." Rodney dialed without delay. He pressed in the six symbols and engaged it. Sheppard scrambled up next to him. Nothing exploded, and considering the day they'd had, it was a miracle. Rodney stretched and engaged communications. "Go ahead."

 

"Dr. Weir, this is Major Sheppard. Do you copy?"

 

"John! We were worried." Elizabeth sounded out of breath. "We tried to dial in but had no luck."

 

Rodney felt as if his legs had turned to lead. He really needed to sit down. "I'll be over there." He hooked his thumb at his laptop and just made it before crashing in the chair.

 

"We disabled the gate to prevent any more nasty surprises." Sheppard looked at him. "Rodney thinks the storm has about another hour, maybe less, and if the shield fails, he's sure we'll survive."

 

"Good news. We'll start packing up to come home."

 

"Major Sheppard, how is Rodney doing?" That was Carson, and it was good to hear his voice strong instead of weak.

 

Sheppard gave him a steady look. "I had to bandage his arm again. He's lost a lot of blood."

 

"Damn. Okay, I'll be through directly."

 

"Send Zelenka through first. Rodney's about done. Sheppard out." The gate shut down, and Rodney saw the floor coming up, but Sheppard was right, he was done.

 

********

 

"--up soon. Don't worry, Major."

 

Rodney cracked open his eyelids, not all that surprised to see Sheppard sitting on the bed closest to him. "Hey," he croaked. "Storm?"

 

"Over. Finally." Sheppard didn't look quite so tired. "You slept forever."

 

Before Rodney could protest that he'd been injured, Carson was there, getting in the way and touching things that should be left alone. "Ouch!"

 

"Say something I haven't heard before." Carson didn't look very sympathetic. "I was beginning to think I'd have to slap you awake."

 

"I thought you weren't worried," Sheppard drawled. "Tell him what happened."

 

"What happened?" Rodney heard his voice climb to upper octaves. "I'm dead, aren't I?"

 

Carson sighed. "No. Hush. Rodney, the knife was poisoned--"

 

"Dead. Dead. Dead. That's why he's here, right?" Rodney clutched the sheet with his one good arm. "I must have a few minutes left, or Elizabeth would be here too. Oh, God."

 

Sheppard nudged Carson aside and smacked Rodney upside the head. "Shut up!" He put his hands on his hips. "I wouldn't hit a dying man!"

 

Rodney thought that was perhaps the rudest thing Sheppard had ever done.

 

"Rodney, you're not dying. Whatever the toxin was on the knife, it was inhibiting your ability to coagulate. I had to thoroughly flush the wound and keeping you unconscious was the easiest way to get it done. You have sutures - a lot of them, and I had to give you a blood transfusion.

 

"Other than that and some bruises, you're fine. You're going to be fine," Carson promised.

 

"And you'll have a very cool scar." Sheppard smirked. "The girls will love it."

 

That didn't sound likely, but the last thing Rodney ever understood was girls, or women, or whichever. "Not going to die?"

 

"No." Carson gave him a small pat. "Rest, lots of protein, and you'll be back in your lab eating donuts before you know it."

 

Sheppard nodded. "Now that you're awake, I'll get Zelenka to take off that damn collar." He turned on his heel and went without another word.

 

Rodney stared after him for a moment and then looked at Carson. "You okay?"

 

"Yes, and thank you for asking." Carson's eyes twinkled. "We had a bit of a rough go there, didn't we?"

 

"It was really not fun." Rodney screwed up the courage to look at his IV and his bandaged arm. "My face?" He wasn't sure he wanted to touch it.

 

Carson stepped away to a cupboard and returned with a mirror. "He did manage to miss your eyes."

 

"Something." Rodney winced at the lumps and bruises, but nothing hurt all that much. The collar was still there, and he could see bruises and red spots underneath it. "You must have me on the good painkillers."

 

"Another day and I'll back them off." Carson pulled up a stool and sat down. "Would you like me to get Dr. Heightmeyer in here?"

 

After a brief consideration, he shook his head. "I need to heal on the outside first, and I'd rather that--" He pointed at the collar. "--was gone."

 

"Aye. I cleaned the chafes underneath it as best I could." Carson sighed softly. "I tried to get it off. It wouldn't budge." He looked about and then got up to shut the door. "As your doctor, I have to ask this." He took a deep breath. "Were you sexually assaulted?"

 

Rodney blinked in shock, and memory swept away the denial on his lips.

 

_Kolya wasn't hurrying for the control tower, and he should be. Rodney wanted to shove him out of the way and run for it._

_"Take her ahead," Kolya growled and stopped. "Kneel down, slave. Learn to live on your knees. You are nothing, nothing but a slave now."_

_Rodney knelt, wondering how many years until his knees gave out. "Yes, sir," he said, just to talk. The silence wore at him._

_"You'll learn your place." Kolya put his hand on Rodney's forehead and pushed him back slightly. "Have you been with a man before?"_

_Shock made Rodney's jaw drop open._

 

"Rodney?"

 

With a small shake, he rubbed his eyes. "No. I wasn't, and I'd never lie about that because you know those Genii probably have every sexually transmitted disease in the Pegasus galaxy!" He took a harsh breath. "Bastards."

 

"I'm relieved." Carson clapped his hands on his thighs. "I hope you don't mind the private room, but the major insisted."

 

"I wonder why." Rodney had to shut his eyes. "Did you give me good blood?"

 

"The best I could find in your blood type." Carson straightened the covers. "Rest."

 

A nod seemed like work, so he skipped it. He didn't want to, but the memory pushed at him. Reluctantly, he went ahead and remembered the rest of it.

 

_"Don't lie. You're obviously a lover of men." Kolya smiled and jammed his finger in Rodney's mouth. Rodney choked and wanted to bite that nasty-tasting finger off, but fear kept him still. Kolya was far too close now. "That big mouth of yours has to be good for something."_

 

"Are you asleep?"

 

He jerked and nearly cursed. His arm was too sore for that, even with good meds. "No. I was thinking."

 

"That can't be good." Sheppard looked amused.

 

Zelenka eased in the room behind him. "Rodney, are you feeling better?"

 

"Don't pretend I don't look like hell." Rodney hoped he was glaring. "Sit down. Tell me everything that was damaged in the storm. Sheppard, get out."

 

"He is better," Zelenka said.

 

"Seems that way." Sheppard might've smiled. "I'll bring back jello. I know, blue is best." He wandered out, and Zelenka shut the door.

 

"You do look awful," Zelenka looked apologetic. "Carson said no talk about work, but we are pumping out the flooded levels and the damage from the lightning inside the city was minimal. I have teams on it."

 

"Good." Rodney's fingers itched for a laptop. "Grounding stations?"

 

"Back on-line, and I have a team repairing the one the Genii shot up." Zelenka edged closer. "May I?"

 

Rodney shrank away, but he wanted it off. "Try not to bump the countless bruises on my face, yes?"

 

"I will be careful." Zelenka reached, and Rodney had to turn his face, shut his eyes, pretend this wasn't happening. Very soft Czech curses distracted him from any number of theories that he should be thinking about, but he didn't complain. Zelenka switched to English. "I don't recognize the metal. It seems light but strong. Each link molds into the next seamlessly."

 

The running commentary was annoying but interesting. Rodney pressed his lips together so he didn't curse out the man doing him a favor. Zelenka continued his investigation. His fingers weren't rough, but Rodney's neck was bruised, and it was hard not to squirm.

 

"Did it click on?"

 

"I didn't hear it." Rodney tried to remember. "The bastard wrapped it and held it for a moment. I yanked good and hard on it, but it didn't budge."

 

"Major Sheppard said he refused to try to cut it off, but I don't think that would be effective anyway." Zelenka flipped the collar over. "It is exactly the same on both sides. I cannot find a locking mechanism." He managed to get closer. "I'm going to get some tools."

 

That didn't sound good at all. Rodney groaned. "No blowtorches, please."

 

Zelenka laughed nervously and left. Rodney would admit he was more worried now. What if the damn thing never came off, and he spent the rest of his life - it'd be short if he stayed in this galaxy - wearing it? "Crap," he whispered.

 

"Where'd Zelenka go?" Sheppard had blue jello, and Rodney wanted to snatch it. The realization that he couldn't hold it and eat it made him want to whimper.

 

"To get tools." Rodney didn't take his eyes off the jello. It had cool whip on top. Sheppard sat down, handed him the spoon, and held on to the bowl.

 

"Go to town." Sheppard held it steady. Rodney felt awkward, nothing new there, but he started eating. It was wonderful. He thanked him between bites. Sheppard didn't smirk or make jokes and that made it easier. It was almost a peaceful silence. When the jello was gone, Sheppard said slowly, "What's your opinion of Sora?"

 

The shudder wasn't pretty and hurt his arm. "Not the best person to ask."

 

"You were hurt the worst." Sheppard took the spoon from him. "Except for my dead Marines."

 

"Did she shoot them?" Rodney hadn't paid a lot of attention to the little redhead, being too busy trying to dodge Kolya's fist.

 

Zelenka interrupted them by bustling in the door with a kit. "Not interrupting?"

 

"No." Rodney answered for them both. "Either way. She's Genii, she's inherently sneaky, and I'd take her to the mainland or be prepared for one prison break after another."

 

Sheppard shrugged. Zelenka looked from one to the other. "Did you ask her how to take it off?"

 

"I did." Sheppard looked away and that was enough to let Rodney know it wasn't good news. "The Genii get them off-world. She says they don't come off."

 

"Well, the Genii are lucky if they have two brain cells banging together after the amount of radiation they're exposed to on a daily basis!" Rodney would put his faith in Zelenka over those morons any day of the week.

 

"That could be true." Sheppard rubbed his chin. "I'll take her to the mainland and then come check on you." He gave Zelenka a look. "Get it off. Now." On that note, he strode away, shutting the door behind him.

 

Zelenka looked alarmed. "He is scaring me just a little."

 

"Me too," Rodney whispered. He'd noticed Sheppard's attitude in the control tower. "Get it off before he starts yelling again, okay?"

 

"I should've brought blowtorch," Zelenka muttered. Rodney was not reassured, and nearly an hour later, he was exhausted from having a Czech hang around his neck, whispering what sounded like curses.

 

"Okay! Enough! Go away!" Rodney didn't have energy to flail.

 

The door opened, and Carson stepped inside. "Rodney may be a wee bit rude, but he's right. He needs his rest. Later, Radek."

 

Zelenka took off his glasses. "I want to look at these readings anyway. Very strange material." He frowned and gave Rodney a tiny pat on the shoulder. "Rest. Do not worry."

 

"Oh, I'll worry." Rodney slumped and let his tired eyes shut. "Up those painkillers, Carson. Radek bruised me."

 

"Not likely." Carson started doing something, but Rodney fell asleep.

 

*********

 

"He's gonna be okay?"

 

"Aye, but he'll need time to recover. He lost more than a liter of blood. I feel terrible that I left him behind."

 

"Don't. It was my decision." Sheppard's voice was soft now. "You couldn't know."

 

Rodney decided to stop playing dead. He groaned and tried to sit more up. Carson gave him a hand by tilting the bed. Prying open his eyes, he said the first thing that came to mind, "I'm hungry."

 

Carson chuckled. "I'll have a nurse bring you a tray."

 

"Feeling better, huh?"

 

"Tired. And tired of being tired." Rodney went ahead and griped. "Don't you have people to shoot or something?"

 

"Killed my quota for the month." Sheppard's eyes went dark. "Okay, maybe the year."

 

Rodney managed to get hold of Sheppard's forearm. "I didn't mean that. I mean, I did, but not that way, and wow, I need to shut up."

 

Sheppard gave one of his best shrugs. He looked down at Rodney's hand and shut the door. "What did Zelenka say?"

 

"About what?" Rodney eased his hand away and made a show of rubbing his eyes. He wasn't all that awake, some caffeine would be nice, and Sheppard had an intensity about him lately that was unsettling.

 

"That damn thing!" Sheppard jabbed his finger at Rodney's neck. Cringing for the hundredth time in three days was remarkable easy. Rodney looked up. Their eyes met, and neither of them looked away. Sheppard touched the collar very gently. "He had no right."

 

Words finally came spilling out of Rodney's mouth. "He jammed his finger in my mouth and told me to get used to living on my knees. He informed me that I was a lover of men, and my big mouth had to be good for something. He--" It all crashed to a halt. Sheppard looked furious. He sat down on the edge of the bed, and Rodney sought refuge against him.

 

"He had no right," Sheppard whispered. His arms came up very slowly, holding him close. "He'd have said anything to get you to obey him."

 

"He wanted to know where you'd be. I had to kneel in the hallway while he stood on the safe side of the door. When he put his gun to my head, I almost hoped he'd pull the trigger. Dying was so much more attractive than living with him the rest of my life." Rodney knew he was talking too much, but he couldn't stop. "I had to crawl up the stairs after I told him that you'd kill him. It was then I made up my mind." He took a deep breath and finished it. "It was better to die and take Atlantis with me than live as his slave. It was selfish, horrible of me, but I couldn't face it."

 

"You saved the city." Sheppard gave him a small shake. "You did."

 

"No. Elizabeth yelled at him until he gave up. I was just going to kneel there and die. She saved the city. You saved me. I did nothing." He hated himself so much. "I would've killed you all, so I didn't have to suffer."

 

Sheppard should've shoved him away and run for his life. He didn't. Rodney didn't know why. He got his good arm between them and pushed him. "I earned this collar. If I wear it the rest of my life, it'll remind me how weak I really am."

 

"Rodney, you are not thinking clearly." Sheppard pushed his finger at Rodney's forehead. "Never give the enemy what they want! Trust me, as mad as I would've been for drowning, I'd have been madder if I had to live knowing that Kolya had Atlantis!"

 

"That made no sense." Rodney couldn't think any longer. "I need food." He leaned his sore head against Sheppard's shoulder. "I screwed up."

 

"Rodney, when I cut the leash, what was the first thing that went through your mind?" Sheppard asked in his slow way.

 

Rodney didn't want to talk about it. He sniffed. "That we had two minutes and maybe I should try to save our asses since I'd failed miserably."

 

"And that was good thinking. A coward would've gone ahead and let us all die." Sheppard rested his hand on the back of Rodney's neck. "In these situations, there are lots of ways to look at it, but the results are what count. You did a good job, and that damn collar is coming off, and I'm throwing it in the ocean!"

 

Telling him that he was wrong didn't seem like a good idea. Rodney decided to think about it. "I had lost a lot of blood."

 

"You had."

 

"And he hit me about a dozen times. Twice, he knocked me out."

 

"You see. No one thinks clearly with a concussion." Sheppard leaned his cheek against Rodney's head. "You did good. Turn the rest loose."

 

With a small sigh, Rodney nodded as much as he could. It wasn't a promise, but he'd consider it. "I like girls," he said softly. "I do."

 

"I know." Sheppard squeezed Rodney's neck.

 

Rodney found the courage to look him in the eye again. "He thought we were lovers. I told him you'd be glad to get rid of me. I'm a pain in the ass and all."

 

"You lied. Smart move." Sheppard's eyes were guarded.

 

There was a small tap on the door, and Sheppard moved away to get it. Rodney wanted him back immediately. The galaxy seemed safer when Sheppard was close enough to touch. Wait. They'd been touching. Sheppard didn't comfort people. He punched them in the arm and told them to buck up. Rodney tried to force his brain to think. He hadn't thought he was lying. Kolya had never seen them together. He couldn't know. What was there to know?

 

"Eat, Rodney. You must regain your strength."

 

"I can do that," Rodney said distractedly. He noticed that Sheppard didn't leave. He'd moved out of the way, but he was still close, almost hovering. Sheppard? Hovering? Someone had cut the food up so Rodney could eat it. He lifted his bandaged arm and wiggled his fingers. "Ow."

 

"It's good it hurts." Carson looked from him to Sheppard. "You eat, and then I'll examine you again, change the bandage, and we'll talk about physical therapy."

 

Rodney could only stare. "Pain is never good!"

 

Carson and Sheppard exchanged one of those looks that Rodney had learned to ignore. "See that he eats."

 

"I will."

"I'm sorta serious. You don't have any duties?" Rodney saw Sheppard eying the tray and the fork, and it was unsettling. "Somewhere?" He picked up the fork and took a bite to forestall an attempt to force feed him. "Else?"

 

"You were out for two days. I had time to get a few things done, and Teyla was a big help." Sheppard plunked his butt on the end of the bed. "I got it covered."

 

The food was more important than chatting until the tray was empty. At that point, it was impossible not to look at him. "Two days? That seems excessive."

 

"Took you a while." Sheppard's eyebrows are up. "Scared the hell out of me."

 

Rodney almost apologized and then decided that really wasn't his fault. "Guess I was tired."

 

"Carson said it had more to do with the toxin on the knife than anything." Sheppard drifted his hand to Rodney's leg and then squeezed. "I'll leave, if you want."

 

Snapping out a quick answer would be a mistake. Rodney glanced at the hand on him, and the strong arm it was attached to, and the chest, covered with a black T-shirt, right up to a very serious face. Sheppard was frowning. That couldn't be good. Rodney looked back down because it was much safer.

 

"Um, no?" Rodney watched his hand flutter down on top of Sheppard's. He hadn't done it on purpose, really. "But yes. I'm just confused about, um, everything?"

 

"You're a smart guy. You'll figure it out." Sheppard didn't take his hand away. "Carson will be here in a minute. I'll go update Elizabeth. She'll want to come see you."

 

Rodney went ahead and groaned. It was obligatory but always so awkward. His hand jerked and gripped him tightly. "Is she mad?"

 

The rolled eyes were very impolite. "At you? Probably. You just saved her and the city after all!"

 

"Oh. Shut. Up." Rodney slumped back and covered his eyes. He heard the door open.

 

"Well, I see you're feeling better." Carson chuckled softly. "Okay, I hear you're doing better."

 

"Funny." Rodney refused to look. "Do your worst. I don't really mind."

 

Sheppard had the gall to chuckle. "I'll be back. I'll bring chocolate."

 

"Really?" That made him drop his hand. "With peanut butter?"

 

"Not likely." Sheppard gave him that look that said 'don't push your luck' and wandered out as if he had no idea how he'd found his way inside.

 

"Let's get started."

 

Bitching and complaining was his modus operandi, but he wanted to think about Sheppard. John? Was it possible? Misinterpreting the data would be devastating, and he was afraid he was too medicated to think clearly.

 

"When are you going to start yelling?"

 

"Give me a minute." Rodney waved his other hand. "Is the major acting a bit...?"

 

"Possessive and demanding? Yes," Carson interrupts. "If it were anyone but you, I'd be concerned."

 

"Me?" Rodney didn't get that at all. He flinched at the cold stethoscope and reached up to hook his finger in the collar.

 

_"You're not his!" Sheppard had sounded very angry. "You're..."_

 

Wishing Sheppard had finished that sentence was a waste of time. "Possessive?"

 

"Protective, too. He didn't want anyone seeing that collar." Carson glanced at it. "I'm sure Radek will get it off."

 

"Maybe." Rodney wasn't so sure. He had a fair knowledge of gadgets himself, and the damn thing was more than that. "C-4 is always an option."

 

"I really don't get paid enough for this job," Carson muttered. He began cutting away the bandage, and Rodney couldn't decide whether to watch or stare at the ceiling. It was his arm, and seeing it sliced made him slightly nauseous. The bandage fell away, and he snuck a look that made his stomach heave.

 

"Oh, God. That hurts!" It was the most awful thing - on his own body - that he'd ever seen, and he'd seen it before, but now, now, now it was really bad.

 

"Not with the amount of morphine I have in your drip," Carson said after a tiny flinch around his eyes. "And please, lower your voice. You broke test tubes."

 

Looking anywhere but at his arm, he tried to regain his calm. It wasn't happening. He'd been permanently damaged by that bastard, and being all stoic about it wasn't an option any longer.

 

"That fucking bastard! He damn near cut my arm off!" Rodney tried for a deep breath but it didn't come. "Are you touching it? Don't touch it!" He tried to shove Carson away, succeeding in a tiny push that hurt like hell.

 

"Settle down!"

 

Staring at his arm, he heard Kolya's brutal laugh in his head. "Stay away!" He couldn't take it one more second. Carson babbled into his headset, and Rodney nearly fell off the bed trying to get away. His empty food tray clattered to the floor, the IV yanked him back, and he yelled in pure frustration. "No!"

 

Cradling his arm, he sank down to the floor, trying to scoot under the bed and managing to wedge himself into a corner. "Don't touch me!" He stared at the bleeding coming from his other arm and whimpered. "Leave me alone," he whispered. With a pull and a sob, he threw the IV away, knocking the pole down. He tucked himself further out of sight.

 

"Rodney. Please." Carson was too close.

 

"Go away!" Rodney screamed. He hated them all, especially Kolya and his knife and his leash and his damn fist. "Leave me alone!" Dimly he heard Carson talking and nurses crowded in the tiny room, but he wasn't going to look at them. No one had ever hurt him like this - accidents were one thing, but torture was another, and he needed a minute, and damn it, they could leave him alone!

 

"Rodney, please." Carson had a huge needle ready in his hand.

 

Rodney happened to find a fork next to him, and he threw it without thinking. "Can't you see I'm having a breakdown? Would it be too much trouble to leave me the hell alone until I'm done freaking out?" he screamed, feeling as if the top of his head might pop off. "Please!"

 

"What the hell is going on here?"

 

"We have a small situation."

 

Rodney found the fallen knife and held it tightly, pointing it at them. They needed to back off.

 

"No shit." Sheppard - John? - knelt down in front of Rodney's bare feet. "Rodney, buddy, you're scaring the pretty nurses."

 

"Me?" Rodney wasn't sure he wanted him that close. "Did you see my arm? It's ruined. Ruined!"

 

John - Sheppard? - lifted his hands. "Both your arms are bleeding. You know how blood makes Carson crazy. Put the knife down and let him help you."

 

"Sedate me, you mean," Rodney huffed. He knew that needle was going in his leg as soon as Carson got a chance, but there was blood on his arms, and his shirt, and dripping down to the floor. He hated blood, especially his own. "Kolya would love this. He said I looked good screaming in pain. It was all a big damn joke to him."

 

"Not to us. Never to us." John's eyes were dark, serious. "If he's not dead, I will kill him. I promise. Now let Carson do his job." He turned one of his hands so the palm was up. "Give me the knife, and yes, that's an order."

 

Their eyes clashed, and Rodney swore he stopped breathing. "You promise you'll kill him?"

 

"On my honor as an officer and a gentleman." John didn't move.

 

"It hurt." Rodney wasn't talking about his arms, but they did hurt, and there was blood, and suddenly, he blinked from the realization that he was being a complete moron. "Sorry. I lost my mind for a second." He dropped the knife and slowly eased his way to John. John avoided Rodney's arms and caught him around the chest. Carson was there so fast that Rodney had no chance to run again. The needle hit him hard. "You're a bastard, Carson."

 

"I know," Carson said softly.

 

John held him close until it all faded away.

 

*********

 

The world was such a wonderful fuzzy place, and he rubbed his head against the pillow, hoping it stayed that way forever.

 

"Hey, Rodney, you awake?"

 

"Nope," Rodney slurred. He opened his eyes a little but not much. "You ever comb your hair?"

 

"What?" John scrubbed his hand through his hair. "Why?"

 

"Curious." John's hair waved at him, and he solemnly waved back.

 

John's eyes widened and he laughed. "Carson! Are you sure about this level of medication?"

 

"Aye." Carson frowned down at him and raised his eyelid. "I'm not stitching that arm shut again!"

 

"Hi, Carson." Rodney waved again. That was when he realized he couldn't raise his hand past his hip. "That's weird."

 

John took him by the hand - the one that was flipping. "Never throw forks at your doctor. That's the lesson here."

 

"I like Carson," Rodney said and smiled at him. "He's nice." He licked his dry lips. "Why am I here again?" He liked John's hand, and he rubbed his thumb on John's palm. "I like you too." He let his head loll to the side. "What a great vacation."

 

Their voices dimmed in and out, and he tried to listen but there was cotton all around him. It was very comfortable, and he liked it a lot. "This is nice," he mumbled, happy to hold John's hand forever.

 

"How long are you gonna keep him like that?"

 

"Until my blood pressure comes down to manageable levels!"

 

Rodney started giggling. "Sorry," he said, and then, "What did I do?" He really didn't want to know. This was nice, just like this, and he gave a small grunt of disappointment when John suddenly took his hand away.

 

"Elizabeth!"

 

"Come to see the patient."

 

Forcing his blurry eyes to focus, he managed to see her clearly. "Wow, you look good in red. Doesn't she? Red is definitely your color." He smiled at her too. "Almost as good as John in black. That yellow does nothing for Carson. Nothing."

 

"Well! I can assume you have him on the happy drugs?"

 

"Aye. Come to my office. I'll give you a rundown."

 

"Now, me? I like blue. Matches my eyes. Blue is a happy color. Blue, blue skies." Rodney had no idea where Elizabeth had gone, but John was still there, and that's what mattered. "Can we hold hands some more?"

 

John rubbed his mouth vigorously, pulled up a chair, and sat down. "Only if you promise never to throw forks at Carson again."

 

"Sure. Why not?" Rodney reached for him greedily and was shocked when he couldn't move. "My hand doesn't work. Why is that?" He wasn't sure he cared, but it might be important.

 

"Again. Throwing. You hurt both of your arms. Carson isn't happy." John took Rodney's hand in his own, and it felt nice. "Relax. No more screaming, and pretty soon you'll be back at work, making Kavanagh's life miserable."

 

"That is such fun." Rodney had to lick his lips again. "Can I get some water, or is there a shortage I don't know about?" He was thirsty. John tugged, and Rodney refused to let go. "You're leaving?"

 

"To get the water," John said slowly. Letting him go was hard, but Rodney did it. He regretted it instantly. John might not come back. But he did, and after fumbling with the bed and then a straw, Rodney managed a few drinks. John set it away. "Better?"

 

Nodding, he smiled up at him. "Thanks. You're always nice to me, except when you're mean."

 

John sat down and gripped Rodney's hand again. "Listen to me, Rodney. No more stunts. You're going to lie there, get well, and do everything Carson says, got it?"

 

"What?" Rodney squeezed him. "Are you on about?" He was still very tired, and John needed to make more sense. The door opened again, John moved away, and Rodney waited for them to say something. They were just staring. It was almost annoying.

 

"Hi." It was all he could think of to say.

 

"Hi, Rodney." Elizabeth smiled that fake one. "Are you feeling better?"

 

Rodney nodded. "Much. John says I can't throw things any more. I promise. Okay?"

 

"Okay. You'll get well quickly, Rodney. Just do as Carson says." Elizabeth looked at Carson. "Keep me in the loop."

 

"Aye." Carson shut the door after her. "Major, time to go."

 

"Wait!" Rodney tried to sit up and managed it a little. He strained at whatever was holding his arms down. "I don't want him to leave. Please?"

 

Carson rubbed his forehead. "Stop pulling!"

 

John scrunched closer and put his hands on Rodney's shoulders. "Relax. I'll be close. You pop one more stitch and Carson's head is going to explode."

 

"That would be bad." Rodney settled back, reassured. "I don't like these cuff-y things at all."

 

"They'll be gone soon." John pointed at the door. "I never had a chance to get that chocolate. I'll be back. Be good."

 

Being good didn't sound like something he did, at least not often, but he could see a wild look in Carson's eyes that didn't bode well. "Okay. Can I go to my lab now? I'm sure there's work for me."

 

"No, lad." Carson did all kinds of voodoo things, and Rodney hummed, waiting for his chocolate. John wouldn't lie about that, and nothing really hurt, ached a little but nothing too bad.

 

"It kinda hurts." Rodney didn't bother trying to look. "Will you untie me now?"

 

Leaning over, Carson even examined Rodney's face for some reason. "Your bruises are healing nicely, and no, I won't. Maybe tomorrow, if your arm seems better. It's a damn mess!"

 

"Not my fault," he muttered. "Hey, how's your head?"

 

"Sore." Carson leaned up and fiddled with the IV. "No more histrionics. Your arm can't take it."

 

Giving a tiny nod, Rodney didn't fight the restraints. "Guess they match my collar." He shut his eyes and saw Kolya's smirking face again. "Nothing but a slave. Get used to it, Dr. McKay."

 

"Rodney," Carson said.

 

"Chocolate sounds so good." Rodney felt himself drifting away. "Blue skies." He fell asleep, wishing for chocolate and peanut butter.

 

*********

 

"Yes, yes, I'm thoroughly traumatized. Now, get on with it." Rodney glared so hard he would've sworn Zelenka's hair stood on end.

 

Zelenka's hands seemed to be shaking. "You must hold completely still."

 

"I know!" Rodney did know. He practically froze in position. His eyes locked with John's and that was a comfort. "Hit it."

 

**Boom!**

 

Sparks flew, and Rodney didn't know whether to hold still or run for his life. John moved fast, Carson bolted in the door, and Zelenka ducked. Water splashed all over him, and he didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

 

"Jesus, Radek! You weren't supposed to blow him up!" John yelled.

 

"Get him up and out! Now!" Carson unplugged the IV, and Rodney winced as his feet hit the cold floor. John dragged him out as fast as two men and an IV could go, and Rodney found a wall to lean against.

 

"That was... noisy." Rodney rubbed his hand through his wet hair. "Can I get a towel?"

 

John sighed heavily. Luckily, several pretty nurses were more than happy to help Rodney dry off, and find him some new scrubs and a dry bed. He dressed behind a privacy curtain and then went to lie down. John hovered, biting his lower lip.

 

"John," Rodney said, trying not to sound indignant, "please stop badgering Radek into blowing me up!"

 

"Damn thing," John muttered. He pointed at Rodney's neck. "You have a little burn there."

 

"Not surprising, since I was on fire!" Rodney lost it at that point. "Carson! Release me now so I can go to my quarters where it's safe!"

 

Several nurses found other things to do - far away - and Rodney glared at John. "You will cease your obsession with my neckwear! It's going to get me killed!"

 

"I was trying to help!" John put his hands on his hips.

 

"Well, stop it!" Rodney kept glaring at him. "Go harass your Marines or something!"

 

John stomped out of the infirmary. He'd be back. Rodney was sure of it. He slumped, shut his eyes, and prayed he was released today. Yes, his arm still hurt, but it would take time to heal, and he didn't want to spend every minute of that time in here. Yelling at Carson again would do no good. Damn it.

 

"I am sorry, Rodney," Radek said, trying to clean his glasses.

 

"You should be!" Rodney went ahead and yelled. "Stop talking to Sheppard! That's an order!"

 

Radek sighed. "I know you want it off."

 

"Once I get out of this hell-hole, we'll discuss options. Now, go back to work. Ignore Sheppard. Don't make me fire you."

 

"As if you could." Radek put his glasses on and shrugged. "I agree. When you get out, we will talk." He left quickly, muttering in Czech, and Rodney didn't wave goodbye. John was crazy, and Radek was enabling him. That was when Carson stomped up. Rodney caught the look of pure anger and tried his best to look innocent.

 

"I didn't do it! They blew up your hospital! I'm sick!" Rodney tried to head off the yelling that was coming his way.

 

Carson's eyes narrowed. "You should've said no!" He rubbed his face hard. "I'll get some ointment for your neck, but no more explosions!"

 

"Sorry." Rodney sank down under the covers and considered himself lucky. "Can I go home now?" he whispered. Carson still looked mad when he got back, but his fingers were gentle, and Rodney sighed from relief.

 

"Not too nasty." Carson capped the ointment and put it on the nearest tray. "Rodney, you may never get it off."

 

Rodney had known that for a while. "I know. John has yet to face that reality."

 

"I'll speak to him." Carson sighed. "As soon as this fever clears up, I'll release you."

 

"I feel okay," Rodney mumbled, knowing it was a losing battle. Yesterday, right after Carson had tentatively agreed to turn him loose, he'd started running a fever. No other symptoms, yet, but neither of them were happy. "I told Zelenka not to come back."

 

"Thank heavens." Carson pretended to wipe his brow. "How does your arm feel?"

 

Flexing it gently, Rodney shrugged. "Hurts, but not bad. I don't want to look at it, thank you."

 

"I got that impression. Tomorrow, we'll have a go at those stitches."

 

Rodney was sure his eyes bulged nearly out of his head.

 

"I'll be sedating you."

 

"Thank you," Rodney said fervently. "Thank you so much. I'll be quiet the rest of today. I promise. Can I have my tablet?"

 

"I'll go see if it caught fire," Carson said wearily. "Not one peep."

 

"I will really try to be a good boy." Rodney almost withered under the instant, horrible glare he received. "What?"

 

Carson pointed at Rodney's guts. "Never, ever say that again."

 

Tired of saying 'sorry,' he simply nodded and found an interesting piece of medical equipment to look at instead of Carson. It wasn't too long before a nurse brought him the tablet, and he made sure to thank her before snatching it with his arm that hurt less. Who knew ripping out an IV could hurt so badly? Definitely only something to do when he was insane.

 

"Dr. McKay, how are you feeling?"

 

He was reluctant to put the tablet down, but he did. "Hi, Teyla." He always found a smile for her. She dropped in once a day and she usually had jello. Today, she returned his smile and brought her hand from behind her back. He gawked. "Wow."

 

"I knew you would be pleased." She handed it to him, and he sat it very carefully on his tablet for later. "Are you feeling better?"

 

"I still have a fever, and Carson refuses to let me go until it's gone." He went ahead and sighed. "My arm is pretty good. Only hurts when I move it."

 

She nodded. "I'm sure you will be well soon."

 

He never knew what to say in the face of her rampant optimism. "Any good gossip?"

 

Teyla's eyebrow went up. "About you?"

 

Rodney actually flinched. "I hope not. I meant about Zelenka or someone that's, um, not me."

 

"Oh." Teyla shrugged in her way. "I think Major Sheppard is ready for you to be well. He seems very restless."

 

"I was thinking insane," Rodney mumbled. He wasn't sure what to think about John. Just thinking of him as 'John' was confusing. "Zelenka blew up part of the hospital today, so you should run before Carson sees you."

 

Teyla looked surprised. "Is that why you're missing part of your eyebrow?"

 

"I am? Damn." Rodney didn't bother checking. He believed it. "Sheppard is very upset about this." He flipped the collar.

 

"Sora continues to insist that they don't come off." Teyla hesitated a moment. "But perhaps she has the gate address to the planet where they originate. I will speak to Major Sheppard regarding this."

 

"Please leave me out of it." Rodney meant that. He'd be grateful later if they turned up something, but right now, after losing an eyebrow, he didn't want to be in the loop. Hell, he didn't want to know there was a loop. She nodded as if maybe she understood, and he smiled. "Thank you, Teyla."

 

Her answering smile was radiant. "I will see you soon." He waved, but he was staring at the chocolate chip muffin. It was huge. Not too long ago, he'd thought Teyla didn't like him. He had received more than enough glares to form a tiny hypothesis in that direction. It was nice to be proven wrong - about this - and the muffin did just that. He intended to savor it all day.

 

It was much later, much, before he saw Carson again, and that was a good thing. Nurses had been by regularly to check his temperature and blood pressure, but they weren't mad at him. Well, some of them weren't.

 

Carson's examination was thorough, of course, and Rodney stayed quiet during it. When Carson was finished, he was frowning. "I see no reason for your fever." He pointed at Rodney's collar. "May I?"

 

"Oh, you ask about that, but earlier you had your hand in a wildly inappropriate location!" Rodney rolled his eyes and lifted his chin so Carson could get to it easily.

 

"You're right. In the future, I'll manhandle you as I see fit."

 

"I should shut up more."

 

"Aye." Carson tugged the collar this way and that, finally sighing. "Besides the burn, you have a persistent rash."

 

"I thought that was from Kolya dragging me around." Rodney batted Carson's hand away. "Stop touching me."

 

"I did too." Carson stared at him for a long uncomfortable moment. "Is it even possible?"

 

"What?" Rodney glared after him when he hurried away instead of answering. That was just like a doctor, staying and giving him the pertinent information was far too much to ask. The good news was that he still had some muffin left. The bad news was that John was headed straight for him.

 

"Rodney." John bit his lower lip. "You can't quit on this." His eyes were wide.

 

Rodney tried not to lose what was left of his patience. "Teyla has an idea. Didn't she find you?"

 

"I was trying to locate a suitable alpha site." John's eyes suddenly gleamed. "I'll go find her."

 

"Do that." Rodney didn't ask where the alpha site was, sooner or later, they'd tell him. He gave him a tiny wave and went back to his tablet and his muffin. A nap interrupted him unexpectedly, and Carson woke him up by talking furiously with Zelenka. Following their bizarre conversation was impossible, and instead he made sure no one had eaten the last of his muffin.

 

"Nurse, I need some blood from Rodney."

 

"Haven't you drained me dry?" Rodney flinched as his arm was tied off. "Apparently not."

 

The nurse, the blood, Carson, and Zelenka hurried away, and he went back to his tablet. They'd tell him what it was about later. His lack of curiosity would have been worrisome any other day, but he was sick and had to horde his energy for important things. Like eating. When his muffin was gone, he sighed happily and took another nap.

 

*********

 

"Rodney, wake up."

 

"What? Why?" Rodney flailed awake and wished he hadn't. "Ow!"

 

"Raise his meds again, Doc." John was so funny.

 

Carson hopefully would ignore that. He looked at Zelenka, who nodded, and focused his remarks to Elizabeth, not Rodney. "Rodney is allergic to the metal in the collar. That's why he has a fever."

 

"No huge surprise," John muttered.

 

Elizabeth nodded. "It's not. What's the plan?"

 

"I'm going to encase the collar in a polymer that we know Rodney's not allergic to." Zelenka seemed happy with that solution.

 

"Why not just get the damn thing off?" John asked loudly.

 

"You work on that end with Teyla. Radek, you get busy encasing. We all need Rodney back on his feet." Elizabeth nodded as she handed out the orders.

 

"Of course you do. I'm vital to this mission." It didn't hurt to remind them. He'd been in this hospital too long. "How do you know I'm not allergic to it?" He frowned. No one listened. They all went their separate directions until he was staring at Carson. "That's annoying."

 

Carson opened a drawer and returned with swatches of gauze. "I'm going to flush the area, apply an ointment that's worked on you before, and then wrap the collar in gauze until Zelenka can set up his end of it."

 

"Not much clearance between the collar and my neck. I don't want a plastic neck or to be on fire again." Rodney handed his tablet to a nurse. "Better have a fire extinguisher close."

 

"Aye." Carson sounded as if he meant that. Rodney groaned and put himself in Carson's hands. This had to work so he could get back to his lab and maybe have a private conversation with John.

 

*********

 

"Hold still!"

 

"I'm trying!" Rodney felt as if he were being choked to death. Panic threatened to overwhelm him, but suddenly, someone - he couldn't see a thing with his head tilted back - had hold of his hand.

 

"Queen's pawn to queen's three."

 

Rodney nearly screamed in anger, but he bit it back. John's voice had been low, soft, and he was trying to make it easier for him to put up with having his neck dipped in a vat of plastic. "John, I can't."

 

"Shut your eyes, visualize the board, and ignore Radek." John gave him a squeeze. "That's an order."

 

"Hate this!" Rodney snapped. "King's pawn to king's two."

 

"Interesting." John held on tight, and Rodney finally shut his eyes. He could do this. It'd be over soon. Chess. He'd play chess, and he'd win.

 

"How's he doing?" Carson's voice was a small distraction.

 

"Good. Kicking my butt," John grumbled and moved his piece. Rodney smiled and moved his bishop. He hated Zelenka's hands on him and the pungent smell, but it'd be worth it if it worked.

 

"His blood pressure is down."

 

"Almost done," Zelenka said softly. John made his move, and Rodney countered immediately.

 

"I'm about done too," John snarled.

 

Rodney smiled and wasn't about to turn him loose. "I have you in three."

 

"Two by my count." John sighed like he was annoyed. "Radek?"

 

Zelenka cursed. "He needs to remain perfectly still for two minutes."

 

"He can hear you," Rodney huffed. John's thumb traced a circle on the back of Rodney's hand, over and over again, and all he did was feel that to make the time pass. "I so won."

 

"You did," John agreed. He sounded a little upset and that reassured Rodney that he'd actually won.

 

"Thirty more seconds."

 

John's thumb tapped a rhythm. It might've been Morse code. Rodney listened carefully and it took a moment to realize it was his name, over and over again. He liked holding hands with John, and that was a problem. It wasn't like they could ever do it again - once he left the hospital. In here, there were different rules.

 

"It is done." Zelenka and Carson moved and pulled, and Rodney had never been happier to sit up.

 

"Tell me I'm not on fire."

 

"You're not on fire, Rodney." John patted Rodney's shoulder. "Sit up and breathe."

 

"Give him some air." Carson stepped away. "Your neck is already better."

 

It was nice to hear some good news, and he took several deep breaths. Tentatively, he reached for it, but no one stopped him, and the feel of the plastic was strange. He'd get used to it. Carson handed him a mirror.

 

"Blue?" Rodney stared in shock. "I have a blue circle around my neck! Radek, have you lost your mind?"

 

Radek opened his mouth, shut it, and then raised his finger. "I had to work with what we had! Would you prefer your neck rot from infection?"

 

"It isn't infected!"

 

"It is," Carson said.

 

John took the mirror. "Rodney, what matters is that you get well, and this will buy us time to figure out how to get it off. Okay?"

 

Rodney glared. "So help me, Radek, if I find out this was all some colossal joke, you will pay until I'm dead!"

 

"I did nothing but try to help!" Zelenka gestured wildly.

 

"That's enough. Carson, get the wheelchair. Rodney needs a break."

 

"Aye." Carson hurried, or so it seemed, and Rodney got in it because it appeared John would be pushing. John shoved him out the door and down the hallway. Rodney almost made him stop. He wasn't an invalid, but John was moving them too fast. The balcony was a good idea, and Rodney got out of the chair with no trouble. The sun shined, the waves lapped, and he leaned against the rail, taking deep breaths.

 

"Idiot." The breeze teased at Rodney's bare feet.

 

"Yes, you are," John said. "I know you've got to be nearly crazy from all this, but pissing Zelenka off is a bad idea!"

 

Rodney rubbed his face, feeling the remnants of bruises. "It's blue!"

 

"You like blue." John sat down and slouched in the wheelchair. "So, you got a weird necklace. Think of it that way."

 

It was all so ridiculous, and he was so tired of worrying about it. "You're right. I'm wrong, as usual, and it'll be worth it if Carson will let me go to my quarters."

 

John was up in a flash and right next to him. "As usual?"

 

"I want to hide in my quarters for a couple of days. Is that so much to ask?" Rodney knew he was whining, but he didn't care a damn bit. He turned back to the glass and stared at his reflection. Blue scrubs, blue collar, blue eyes: he looked tired, even he could see it. He glanced at John. "I get my stitches out tomorrow."

 

"He knocking you out?"

 

"Oh, yeah." Rodney wasn't cooperating otherwise. He straightened his back. "I'm not a damn slave," he whispered and squared his shoulders. They might kill him, but if that was the worse they could do, he'd be fine. "Not broken."

 

"Bruised a little." John turned and smiled. "Still scared?"

 

"Of course. I'm not a moron. Only a moron wouldn't be scared in this galaxy." Rodney returned to staring out at the water. He'd been sure that vital parts of his personality were being snapped apart, but it had turned out that he hadn't needed all that bullshit after all. "Next time I see him, I'll kick him in the balls."

 

They shared a small laugh. John clapped him on the shoulder. "If you were military, I'd give you a medal."

 

"I'd rather have another of those muffins. Think there's any left?" He pointed at the door.

 

John shrugged. "We can check."

 

********

 

"If I catch you without the sling, I'll be very displeased." Carson frowned.

 

Rodney raised his good hand like he was swearing. "I'll wear the damn thing. Can I go now?" That was all he wanted.

 

"Please." Carson sighed. "Give me an hour before you're back."

 

Apologizing to him would take forever, and he might not believe it, so Rodney left without another word. He'd fully intended to head to the lab, but he couldn't quite face it. Of course everyone knew about the collar. That wasn't it. He'd had a supervised shower this morning, and he wasn't going to take another one for at least two days. Looking at, washing, and touching his arm had been a borderline terrible experience, and he wasn't going to repeat it until he truly smelled.

 

His quarters were practically dusty, but he was glad to see the mess. It was his mess. He straightened one of the pictures on the wall and glanced at his laptop. For some odd reason, sitting in front of it for hours didn't appeal. He picked up some magazines off the floor, stowed them away, and found himself staring out the window. It was sunny, and he leaned against the wall. Atlantis was beautiful. He'd nearly destroyed her, and no one would ever be able to convince him otherwise. He'd have done it. John had said that was a good thing, but it was hard to believe. If Rodney had killed him, John might have felt different about it.

 

"That's really stupid," Rodney muttered to himself. He turned back to his room and slowly began to clean. When his door beeped, he almost didn't answer it. John was there when it opened. He frowned. That could be bad. Rodney raised his eyebrows and found a single word. "What?"

 

"You didn't tell me you were getting out today!" John glared.

 

Rodney blinked, not having expected that. "Was I supposed to?"

 

"Yes!" John looked up and down the hallway. "Can I come in?"

 

"Uh, no?" Rodney shook his head. "I'm making space under the bed to hide, and I really don't want your help, okay? Go play with Teyla."

 

John put his hands on his hips. "Elizabeth wants to see you. Start wearing your radio again."

 

"Great." Rodney groaned in disgust. "Fine. I'll go see her." He shut the door in John's face from spite at the messenger and started looking for his radio. When the door rang again, he gave up. Stomping to the door, he opened it and poked him in the chest. "I can't find my radio!"

 

"Oh, my fault. Yours was taken by Kolya, remember?"

 

"Not so much," Rodney growled, and he didn't want to remember. He headed for stargate operations with John close. Elizabeth could've given him a day - it wouldn't have killed her. Her smile did nothing to dim his frustration.

 

She didn't look like she noticed. "Rodney! So good to see you up and about."

 

"Yes, yes, what do you need?" Rodney didn't look over his shoulder at John.

 

"Did Carson clear you for full duties?" She looked pointedly at the sling.

 

Rodney hadn't asked. John snorted. "Not likely."

 

"Major, let's not push this if he's not ready for a mission."

 

"Why am I suddenly filled with fear?" Rodney edged towards the door.

 

"Relax, buddy." John smiled, but it had an edge to it. "I'm not saying today, but in a few days, we'll go. Take a couple of extra Marines and we'll be fine. They're a peaceful people."

 

It took a second, but Rodney got it. "They're aiding and abetting the slave industry! How could they be peaceful?" He was afraid he'd yelled.

 

"Teyla and I agree that they don't know the purpose the Genii are putting the metal to. It's even possible we could find a use for it, but they're reluctant to share their technology."

 

That sounded bad. "Reluctant as in we're going to shoot you, or reluctant as in we want some tava beans?" Rodney was glad to see Teyla on her way across the bridge. She might be the voice of reason. John had lost his mind.

 

Teyla smiled. "They saw no need to share their knowledge with those who have no science background."

 

John nodded, but it wasn't reassuring. "They weren't impressed with our brains."

 

"Maybe they're not so bad." Rodney pointed at his sling. "Carson will throw a fit."

 

Elizabeth nodded. "I'll speak to him. When you're ready, Rodney. Not one minute sooner, Major."

 

"Not too long," John growled. Rodney waved goodbye as he beat it out the door. This time, he headed for his lab to hide. He garnered several odd looks along the way - stupid collar. It was blue, and no one mistook it for a necklace.

 

Zelenka looked up and then hid very ineffectually behind his laptop when Rodney tried to quietly hide behind his laptop. Instead of talking, which might have turned into yelling from sheer frustration, he clicked his email.

 

_Radek,_

_I'm not mad._

_Rodney_

 

He hit send and pretended he didn't care if he got an answer. Instead, he started catching up on things he'd ignored when he was in the infirmary. After years of eating and working, he had no trouble typing one-handed.

 

"Coffee?" Zelenka didn't smile, but his eyes weren't snapping with anger, and the coffee was definitely a peace offering.

 

"Thanks." Rodney needed information, now that they were through apologizing. "Did Major Sheppard clue you in on his latest insanity?"

 

"No. Does it involve C-4?" Zelenka's eyes were wide behind his glasses.

 

Rodney groaned. "I almost wish." He sipped his coffee, glad to have it. "Send me all the files on my collar, will you?"

 

"Already done. Look under Rodney's metal." Zelenka pushed his glasses back. "It is an amazing alloy. I would like to get my hands on a large sample."

 

"You're certain it's an alloy?" Rodney would look at the file later. Right now, he wanted to check a half-dozen other things. He drank a little more coffee.

 

Zelenka wandered back to his work area. "The readings suggest it, but since I was unable to snip a piece loose, I could be mistaken."

 

It was only mild curiosity that made him pop open the files. He scanned it fast, trying to pretend it wasn't around his neck. "It could be an amazing leap forward in several fields, if this metal is the real deal."

 

"Yes." Zelenka sounded excited. "I can think of a dozen applications without trying. Have the major and Teyla been to the planet?"

 

"Yes, yes, he wants to go back and take me along with him." Rodney took another drink of coffee before slipping off the sling and flexing his arm. It pulled and ached under a very light bandage, but it was on the mend.

 

Zelenka made a soft sound that could mean anything. "You are skinny and tired. Perhaps you should go rest."

 

"I completely agree." John's voice carried the length of the lab. Rodney tried to look calm as he put the sling back on and popped his arm inside it. He wasn't sure why he needed it, but Carson had insisted. John reached and shut Rodney's laptop. "Carson said you can start light duty in two days, after another exam."

 

Cursing at him would be a waste of time but was an attractive idea. "You'll rat me out, won't you?" He stared up at John's frowning face.

 

"Yup." John made a sweeping gesture at the door. "Let's go."

 

"Crap. I really don't like you." Rodney stood and got his coffee. "Radek, send me a detailed progress report on everyone's projects." The fact that Zelenka had the gall to look at John made Rodney grind his teeth in frustration. "Yes, I am your boss. No, he is not!"

 

"He's got a point, Radek."

 

Rodney still glared at them both before trying to leave as if it was his idea. He'd go back to his room, finish cleaning, and work from there.

 

John waited until they were at Rodney's door. "Think you'll be up to the mission in three days?"

 

"Should be." Rodney saw the surprised look. "Bring Marines who don't mind carrying samples. Radek is drooling over the stuff." He opened the door and looked back at him. "You're on duty." He pointedly didn't make it a question.

 

"Yes, but I'll be by later." John hesitated. "Dinner?"

 

"Sure." Rodney had no idea what was going on between them, but he intended to find out. "Send me the report on the planet."

 

"Will do." John almost smiled. "Later."

 

A nod was enough, and Rodney went inside to stare at his bed. No room under it for him anyway, but wow, it was tempting. He sighed and sat down.

 

"'Cowards die many times before their deaths; the valiant never taste of death but once,'" he quoted softly.

 

He would never tell a soul that he'd enjoyed his Shakespeare Lit. class that had been required as a freshman. Shakespeare had wielded language like a good scientist did equations. Beautiful. It had also been taught by a very hot brunette. That had helped. He smiled, but it faded as he thought about it. For him, being a coward was a foregone conclusion. He accepted it.

 

Maybe though, maybe, he wasn't a coward. Maybe he was smart, able to see the permutations within the situation that could lead to death. So far, he'd pulled solutions out of his ass and managed not to die even once. He was no hero, like John, but he was no coward. He wasn't. Beaten, sliced, and exhausted, he'd managed to save the city and his friends. Whatever parts of himself that Kolya had cut away, Rodney didn't want them back. He was stronger now that he'd been to the bottom of himself.

 

And then there was John. Rodney rubbed his face and lay down on his bed. He needed some rest.

 

********

 

"Think you're ready?"

 

"Ready as I'll ever be." Rodney had spent the last week being both confused and irritated at John. John was always close by, but getting him to say anything was impossible. He wanted the collar off, yes. That was it, but Rodney knew there was more. Something. John needed, wanted... something. It was all over his face.

 

"Be safe," Elizabeth said, and they stepped through the event horizon.

 

Rodney took a good look around. Trees, rocks, bushes, grass. Nothing industrial yet. "This the place?"

 

John nodded. "Teyla, lead the way. Ford, get on our six, and Rodney, if you so much as wince, we're going back."

 

"No pressure," Rodney muttered. Carson had okayed this. It would be fine. It was John that needed some sedatives. The walk wasn't far, and they were confronted by what looked like walls but were stones. He glanced up, shielding his eyes, but it was too high for him to climb. Even Ford might struggle. Teyla didn't look worried, and they waited. Complaining would've been too easy. John looked right at him and raised his eyebrows, but Rodney just shrugged.

 

The rocks moved, they did, and he stared. One by one, they filed through the opening and he was reassured by the three strapping Marines around him. Down a long stone stairway and he so did not want to think about going up. At the bottom, he could see they were in some sort of cliff dwelling community. There was a glimpse of sky, but the shelf overhangs gave them a lot of protection. Everything was made of stone.

 

He sidled up to John. "Wraith?"

 

"These guys have taken hiding to a new level," John whispered. "Sora had the password, or we'd have never gotten inside."

 

They were interrupted by a delegation of men and women - dressed in all shades of brown – who looked mildly pleased to see them. Rodney stepped forward when John introduced him. "Now that I'm here, I hope you'll share your technology with us." He smiled, hoping he didn't have to remember their names. Not one had stuck with him.

 

The silence and the lack of even common courtesy were thunderous. John filled it. "Is there a problem?"

 

"We are not a conservative people, but there are traditions that must be followed." The guy that stepped forward looked stern to say the least, and Rodney's stomach suddenly churned with misgivings.

 

"You wanted us to bring our head scientist. We did. Dr. McKay-" Teyla stepped in front of him, and he nearly complained, but he caught the glare John shot at him.

 

"Is obviously a slave. Who is his master? We will instruct him, but only if we know who owns him."

 

John's jaw clenched. Rodney saw it. His stomach told him to run, but that was a lot of stairs. He shut his eyes for a nanosecond, made up his mind that it was for science, and moved directly behind John.

 

"I belong to him," Rodney said, raising his chin. "I'm sort of a family heirloom. The oldest Sheppard boy inherits me, and I'm doomed to a life of fixing whatever he's flying at the time. Now it's puddle jumpers, but planes were not that long ago." He ignored John's open mouth. "He's hoping the metal can be used to reinforce the struts on his latest flying machine. Are we ready now?"

 

There was another long moment of silence, and then the delegation seemed to relax. "Is he an obedient slave?"

 

John made a crazy noise, and Teyla looked shell-shocked. Rodney smiled. "Yes, I am. Usually. Swear."

 

They ignored him again. He sighed and poked John in the back. "Say something, Master!" It was funny how the word didn't lodge in his throat. This was like an insane episode of _I Dream of Jeannie_ \- without the hot outfits, of course.

 

"He's fine. Good." John swallowed hard. "I take it you have slaves of your own?" The question was nothing but a growl. Rodney nearly groaned. He wanted that ore sample. Later, he'd be offended, angry, and yell about all this injustice, but right now, he wanted the damn ore sample!

 

"No, but we are familiar with the custom. I am uncertain as to why his collar is blue."

 

Rodney grinned at John. "Matches my eyes."

 

The look John gave him could've cut down a tree. Teyla finally stepped up. "Perhaps you can begin instructing Dr. McKay while we negotiate."

 

"That is acceptable." The guy nodded and smiled at her. "Does the slave require some sort of harness or leash?"

 

"Absolutely not!" John's face was thunderous. "He's a valued member of my team, and you will treat him with respect!"

 

The stretches of silence were starting to make Rodney crazy. He patted John on the arm. "Don't worry, Master. I'll be fine. Can I borrow one of your Marines?"

 

"Take two. Do not strain your arm." John pointed at him. "Check in on the radio every half-an-hour." He made a sharp gesture at Ford and one of the other Marines that Rodney didn't know. "Got it?"

 

"Yes, sir," Ford said. He was carrying the bulk of Rodney's equipment. "We'll be careful."

 

"Yes, yes, can we go now?" Rodney was very tired of waiting. He was about ready to say please.

 

*********

 

"Have you figured out how to get the damn thing off?" John wasn't whispering.

 

Rodney sighed and prepared to launch into a diatribe detailing his issues when his 'teacher,' as if, stepped right in front of him.

 

"Your slave is very intelligent, as promised. It is difficult to believe that he is obedient, however."

 

"Obedience isn't really valued among my people." John's eyes were mean. Rodney hadn't seen them that way very often. "Rodney, I require your presence at lunch."

 

Now the big lummox moved. Rodney nearly kicked him, but John still looked angry. "Ford, Smith, time to eat."

 

Moving quickly, Rodney got close enough to nudge him. "You okay?"

 

"Me?" John didn't lose his glare. "I'm fine. You, on the other hand, should be cursing, screaming, and throwing a royal fit. It worries me that you're not."

 

"When we get back, I'll take the time." Rodney went back to his tablet. Understanding the molecular composition was crucial. He bumbled into John's back when he stopped. They were in a large cavern with stone tables that appeared carved from the floor, and Rodney took a second to stare. It was impressive. More importantly, there was plenty of food on the table.

 

Everyone found a seat, and the full delegation was back. From the look on Teyla's face, negotiations were progressing well, and Rodney took the spot next to John. He always sat by John.

 

The head idiot's voice rumbled against the stone. "We are certain there will be cultural differences between us, but you should be aware that for a slave to sit at our table is a grave insult."

 

Everyone froze, and Rodney clamped his lips around a long-suffering sigh. Someone, namely John, was paying for this when they got back home. John got to his feet, and his hand lingered on the butt of his nine-mil.

 

Rodney got to his feet also, wanting to curse. "My apologies. I sit by Major Sheppard because he's concerned about the food I eat." He put his hand on John's forearm. "Is it okay if I stay near him?" The words hurt his mouth to say, but this entire, very stupid, situation could be laid at Kolya's doorstep.

 

Teyla's head was whipping back and forth like she was at a tennis match. "We intended no insult."

 

John's nostrils were flaring. That was a very bad sign.

 

"Of course you may kneel next to him."

 

John still hadn't said a word, and Rodney tried to find a position - on the very hard stone floor - that didn't make his knees scream for mercy. Ford was probably sniggering. He was still mad about that prime/not prime thing. The conversation slowly picked up again, but John said nothing after he sat down. He didn't even move much.

 

It was easy to ignore a conversation that couldn't include him anyway. He went back to his notes and calculations. When a plate was put on his tablet, he grunted his thanks and picked at the food while working. His arm had begun to ache, but there was no way he was telling John.

 

"I have been informed of your slave's mental abilities. Perhaps he could be included in our trade agreement." The moron sounded very sure of himself. "Outright ownership or a lease agreement would be acceptable."

 

"He's not for sale," John growled in a very ugly voice.

 

Rodney lost interest in his tablet. Teyla was slightly pale, and her smile quivered. "We have many scientists and would be pleased to help you in any fashion we can, but we do not barter with people."

 

"Are all your scientists slaves?"

 

Putting his head down, Rodney rubbed his face. Perhaps telling them the truth would've been easier. Appealing to them for help might've worked. Then again, these morons were allied with the Genii, so it was better not to mention it. He could see a line of tension in John's body that usually preceded gunfire.

 

"Excuse me. I need a word with my--." John broke off.

 

Rodney yelped as he was yanked to his feet. He swayed - there was very little blood below his knees - and John marched him out the door by means of his tac-vest. Stumbling, Rodney nearly fell on him once.

 

Out of sight there was a small alcove, and John pushed Rodney down on the seat. "This is the dumbest thing ever." John dropped to his knees and started rubbing Rodney's calves. "Worse than the time I had to pretend Teyla was my wife."

 

"That was kinda cool." Rodney had a hard time with the 'John on his knees' concept but it was something he was glad he'd seen before he died. John glanced up at him, and they both looked away. Rodney hoped his pants didn't pop open. He put the tablet in his lap. John's thumbs dug in hard, and he winced. "Ouch! That hurts!"

 

"It should." John wasn't gentle. "How's your arm?"

 

"Fine," Rodney lied. He put his tablet down next to him. Pain had taken care of his erection problem. "I want this ore. I want a lot of it. I want every scrap of information they have on the refining process. Do not screw this up for, or I'll let Radek kill you."

 

John sighed and put his hands on Rodney's knees. "Are you sure it's worth this?"

 

"Positive." Rodney nodded. "This could be the one good thing that comes out of the whole Kolya debacle. Grit your teeth and do it. I want the ore!"

 

"Wow." John stood. His eyes were big and round. "I think you mean it."

 

"Yeah, I do." Rodney eased up, hoping he didn't fall over, and they were very close. "It doesn't hurt me. I mean, if I had to pick someone in the galaxy to own me, it'd be..." He suddenly couldn't finish his sentence. His throat was too tight, and it wasn't the collar.

 

"Me?" John sounded surprised. "Not Colonel Carter?"

 

Rodney blushed, and he wasn't proud of it. "I shudder at the thought. She'd make me agree with her all day."

 

"That would be awful." John smirked. He ran his hand through his hair. "Fine. We'll play this game, get the ore, and go the hell home."

 

"And you'll promise not to shoot anyone."

 

"I will?" John blinked. "Oh, right. Damn it." He grabbed Rodney by the vest and they went back to the table. "My slave is returning to work."

 

"Excellent."

 

Rodney glared at Ford, who was smirking, the little bastard. "Thanks for lunch, Master." He meant that. John could've skipped feeding him, and no one would've cared. "Work, work, work."

 

"Mel Brooks," John mumbled. He pointed at Ford and Smith. "Go."

 

*********

 

There was a distinct possibility that John's jaw was going to snap in half. Rodney had never seen a man clench it harder.

 

"No! That's final!" John's fists were on his hips, and his eyes were flashing.

 

"Our slave quarters are perfectly acceptable, and we prefer he not be in the city unsupervised." The head doofus was back and as annoying as ever.

 

Rodney edged away enough to speak to Teyla softly. "Do something!"

 

"Major, I'm sure the accommodations are fine. Dr. McKay requires very little. He never complains."

 

Ford made a choking noise, and Rodney tried to look innocent while John tried to kill people with his eyes.

 

"He stays with me. That's what's going to happen. No further discussion."

 

"I'll make the arrangements." The moron frowned, and looked Rodney over like a piece of meat. "He must be highly prized, which makes me desire him all the more."

 

Rodney's balls went north and stayed there. He was sure the rest of him shrank also. Ducking his head, he shuffled behind a large Marine. Tomorrow, he was leaving this crazy place. Tonight, he'd sleep at the end of John's bed and try not to complain, but even he knew that was asking a lot.

 

They were escorted to their rooms - no door - shortly after, and he knew exactly who the pallet on the floor was for - and the chain coming off a big stake in the stone. John's jaw was doing that thing again, but Rodney just trudged to the pallet and let his legs go out. He was tired. His arm ached like all hell, and he'd spent part of the day working in a mine. Dinner had been another hour on his knees and he knew replacements were in his future now.

 

"Not going to happen," John ground out.

 

"Then I will insist he be confined below, near the mines."

 

They were having a stare-down, and it was ridiculous.

 

"Science is a cruel, cruel mistress," Rodney muttered resentfully and locked the chain on his own collar. John would never do it.

 

"I will release him in the morning."

 

"Get out," John snapped.

 

"Enjoy your evening." That smirk was over the top, and Rodney half-expected John's fist to knock it off. They were saved by Teyla, who probably wanted a raise after this mission. Her raised eyebrow was enough to back John away, and Rodney made a show of being interested in the information on his tablet.

 

When they were alone, Rodney looked at him. "Settle down. At least I'm not bleeding."

 

"It's demeaning, degrading, and I seriously want to hit someone. God damn that Kolya!" John slammed his fist into the stone wall, and Rodney winced.

 

"I wouldn't do that more than once. The walls are reinforced with the metal that's hanging around my neck. Very sturdy stuff." Rodney turned off his tablet and lay down flat. He laced his hands across his chest and shut his eyes. "This place is practically Wraith-proof. Their only weakness is their reliance on trade for food and such. You should offer them a pallet of MRE's. I bet that'd get their attention."

 

"Really?"

 

"Yes." Rodney let his mind drift from topic to topic. "There's very little arable land on this planet. Hydroponics might be a good sale."

 

"They also want guns. Lots of guns."

 

Rodney frowned. "They could make their own. Interesting. Tell them no. I'll help them make them, if you want." He usually hated all this trade stuff, but this time, they were getting something that could make a difference to everyone. "John?"

 

"What?" John sounded frustrated.

 

"There's no way to get it off. Its molecular structure is such that it binds instantly to its counterpart. Think magnets. Really, really strong magnets. Maybe, in the future, someone will figure out a way, but not with the level of technology we have now. These fools stumbled on the greatest discovery since the wheel." Rodney opened his eyes, seeing the anger on John's face. "John, I'm okay. I'm alive. It's a weird necklace. Maybe I'll have Zelenka make it red next year."

 

John began to pace, chewing his lip, and Rodney didn't interrupt him.

 

"Everywhere we go, people are going to make stupid assumptions!"

 

"Not everywhere." Rodney couldn't believe they were all stupid in this galaxy. "And I'll zip my coat higher, but you have to stop acting crazy about it." He stared at the stone ceiling and hoped John was listening. "People are starting to think you like me."

 

John made a growly noise. "I - you - just have to accept it?" he yelled.

 

"Yes." Rodney sat up, put his back to the wall, and cradled his sore arm. "We do."

 

"He doesn't own you!" John yelled again. He flopped down on the bed and scrubbed his hands through his hair, leaving them there. "Damn it," he whispered.

 

Rodney wanted nothing more than to go to him - lie to him - tell him everything was fine. "I'd hold your hand, but, um--" He shrugged. "Sorry they're morons."

 

John stood, took the three steps to him, and hesitated. Rodney waited, making no move whatsoever. He wasn't going to either.

 

"I wanted to fix this," John said, "for you." He sat down next to him, and their hands found each other without their eyes looking. Rodney had no idea how to reply. He understood the crazy urge to fix things, even things that couldn't be fixed, maybe especially those things. John groaned. "I guess I got you in this mess." He rattled the chain.

 

"Sorta. Yeah. I was going to yell at you, but I think you feel bad enough." Rodney leaned against him, not much, but enough. "In your insanity, you did a good thing. This metal could be a huge step forward in the design of so many items. I think the stuff's even good against Wraith blasters."

 

With a slight shift, John faced him more squarely. "We'll get as much as we can, and I'm going to find a way to shut off the tap to the Genii. They can use leather."

 

"They're trading for lengths of chain, nothing more. The Genii are sick bastards." Rodney tucked his arm closer, finding a better position.

 

"It hurts?"

 

There was no need to answer that. His arm was healing. That was what mattered. Rodney kicked John's ankle. "Did Carson send any painkillers?"

 

John caught Rodney's eyes. "That bad?"

 

"It hurts, and my knees ache, and if I'm expected to sleep on the damn floor, I should have the benefit of medication!" Rodney snapped his fingers twice. He could tell that John had some. "Give it."

 

"One sec." John dug in one of his pockets, producing a small bottle. He shook one out onto Rodney's hand. "Hang on and I'll get you a cup of water."

 

There was a small table with a pitcher and a cup, and Rodney didn't pop it until he could take a drink. He almost spit it up, but then it all went down. He wheezed, "That isn't water!"

 

John took it and sniffed. "No smell."

 

"Trust me." Rodney pushed the cup at him. "Bottoms up."

 

One big drink later, John looked as if his lungs had stopped working. "Wow," he croaked.

 

Rodney laughed, and it felt good.

 

"I thought I would check in before going to sleep," Teyla said from the doorway. "Is everything okay?"

 

"John can't breathe, but other than that, we're good." Rodney shoved John over. "And after a long day of slaving, he's hogging what passes for my bed."

 

With a heave, John was on his feet. "That's pure moonshine." He handed it to Teyla. "Try that."

 

Teyla took a drink and handed it back. "Not as strong as some I've had but acceptable."

 

"See. You're a wimp!" Rodney laughed again and stretched out flat. "Now go away so I can sleep."

 

"I get no respect." John nudged Rodney's foot. "I need to check on everyone."

 

"Do that." Rodney found a comfortable spot - well, not too bad - and let the pain pill put him to sleep.

 

**********

 

"Wake up. It's time for all good slaves to go to work." John gave him a small shake. "I got food."

 

"Food?" Rodney cracked an eye open. "Coffee?"

 

John shrugged. "Something not too far off. I put sugar in it."

 

"I'll forgive you then." Rodney didn't use his very sore arm to get up. His muscles yowled, and he gently rubbed it. "No swinging a pick axe for me today," he muttered.

 

"What? I sent two Marines with you!" John put the food and coffee close.

 

Rodney shrugged and started eating. There was no way to explain that it had been expected of him. The coffee was acceptable, and he hoped it was loaded with some caffeine equivalent.

 

Ford stuck his head around the door and then stepped inside. "McKay duty today?"

 

"Yes, Lieutenant." John's voice changed tone quickly. "And if I hear of him lifting anything heavier than a pencil, I'll bust you back to Private before we gate home!"

 

"Yes, sir!" Ford's eyes were big. "I was--"

 

"No excuses," John growled. "I don't want to hear them. He had over a hundred sutures in his arm and you think he can use a pick axe? Be grateful we don't have latrine duty or you'd be pulling a double shift!"

 

"Yes, sir!" Ford saluted this time. "My fault."

 

"For gloating. Yes, it is."

 

Eating and drinking were a much better use of his time than smirking at Ford. It'd be childish. Rodney almost did it, but Ford was good with those hand grenades.

 

"Dismissed. We're gating home late today. Tell the men."

 

Ford fled, and Rodney spoke up. "A pencil?"

 

"A paperclip?" John sat down on the bed. "Oh, shit. It's not bleeding, is it? Carson is going to kill me!"

 

Laughing was a bad idea. Rodney drank some more coffee instead. "It's okay. Sore. No blood." He could see John staring at him. "John, do you like me?" He knew it was a ridiculous question on many levels.

 

"Maybe." John got up fast. "I'll go get the damn key. I'm sure you have to piss."

 

Rodney nodded and watched him run from the room. That was running. Definitely running, but he'd be back.

 

*********

 

"Are you certain we can't come to an agreement on your slave?"

 

Rodney watched John's hands clench into fists. "No, but we will be assisting you in hydroponics and gun manufacturing. He may be involved at some level."

 

"That's a shame. Perhaps, in time, you'll change your mind."

 

"Don't count on it."

 

The stairs went on forever, and John gave him a hand twice, and it was so nice to be out of the cavern. Ford dialed the gate, and Rodney had never been happier to see his home. He almost kissed the floor.

 

"Get cleared with Carson and then de-briefing." Elizabeth smiled at them all. "But it seems like good news."

 

John nodded. "Mostly."

 

Rodney headed for the infirmary without slowing down. That was one de-brief he was going to skip. He exchanged one look with Carson and knew where this was headed. He raised his hand to forestall him. "Carson, can I spend the night?"

 

"Aye, you can," Carson growled. "You're beyond exhausted!"

 

"It was tiring, yes." Rodney stripped off his vest. "Thanks for sending painkillers."

 

"I thought you might need them." Carson started doing his thing, and Rodney shut his eyes to rest. He'd talk to Zelenka in a minute, or two.

 

"Major, he's fine. Tired and a touch dehydrated is all."

 

"He pushed himself too hard." John didn't sound happy. "The morons - his word - didn't help the situation."

 

Waving his hand, Rodney tried to get their attention. "I'm trying to sleep here. Can you guys keep it down?" He smiled when John caught him by the hand. "I like you too, John, but I need some rest. All those stairs, and the pick axe, and sleeping on the floor: I'm exhausted."

 

"Pick axe?" Carson asked incredulously.

 

"Thanks, buddy," John drawled. "Elizabeth wants to see me, Carson. I'll be back later." John's hand slid away, and Rodney knew the major was running again, this time from Carson.

 

"Can I sleep some more?" Rodney tried to whine. He felt the IV push in his arm, but he didn't have the strength to complain about it.

 

"Aye. Sleep." Carson might've muttered something about skinning Sheppard alive, but Rodney was out.

 

********

 

"Ten more, Dr. McKay."

 

Huge sighs and sad eyes didn't faze Teyla at all. Rodney did the exercises. "Call me Rodney."

 

"I will try to remember." Teyla smiled. "You should stretch now."

 

"I hate this part," Rodney grumbled. "Am I gaining muscle?"

 

Teyla corrected his first stretch. "Foot more straight. There. Now lean into it, and yes, I believe you are. Do you feel stronger?"

 

"No." Rodney felt tired. She wore him out.

 

The door swished open, and John strode inside with a towel around his neck. "Today, I kick your butt."

 

"That would be different than usual," Teyla said slowly. Her eyes twinkled. "Rodney is improving quickly. Perhaps you could kick his butt instead?"

 

"No, thank you." Rodney saw her hand movement and changed positions. Again, she corrected him and then strolled over to John.

 

John twirled the bantos and stretched his arms over his head. "Seriously. Today's the day."

 

They limped back toward their quarters together. Rodney was simply sore, but John had taken a hard blow to the thigh that had put him down flat. Teyla had looked very happy with herself. Rodney hadn't laughed because that strike would've killed him.

 

"She's worse than any drill sergeant, in any galaxy." John didn't open his door right away.

 

Rodney groaned. "All I know is she's mean." He stretched his back. "Later?" He wouldn't ask for right now. He couldn't.

 

A long arm snaked out and pulled him inside. He went. John shut the door, and Rodney heard it lock.

 

"We're not going to have to talk about this, are we?" John looked everywhere but at him. "Please?"

 

Groaning, Rodney hobbled towards the bathroom and the shower. "I want a massage."

 

"I deserve one more than you." John followed. "You didn't get smacked into tomorrow."

 

"I'm fairly certain Teyla doesn't have a time machine in her bantos stick." Rodney flicked on the water. He didn't want to discuss relationships, sexuality, or John's roving eye, ever.

 

"When are we going back to the Planet of the Troglodytes?"

 

John grimaced, looking fierce for a moment. "You're never going back. I saw the way he was looking at your mouth and ass."

 

Rodney stripped off his shirt with a grunt, dropping it to the floor. "He wanted my brain."

 

"Right." John snorted. "I did gather some intel while we were there about the Genii."

 

"Kolya's alive." Rodney had never doubted it. He shucked his pants before he could change his mind and got in the water. "You need help soaping?"

 

"No," John choked out. He stepped in behind him. "Took one to the shoulder. Didn't kill him, damn it."

 

Rodney started soaping. He wasn't brave enough to turn to face him. "Next time." He handed him the soap without really turning around. "We smell."

 

John's chest met Rodney's back. "Quit hogging the water."

 

"Stop pushing!" Rodney shuffled forward and a tiny moment of courage made him turn. The water splashed over his shoulders, hitting John in the chest. "You're kinda bony."

 

John put his soapy hands on Rodney's chest. "The whole not-a-girl thing isn't freaking you out?"

 

"Of course it is." Rodney didn't put much force behind his words. He'd panic later. The sight of John's very hard cock nearly poking him in the belly distracted him from everything, even breathing. "Huh," Rodney said, aware that his intelligence had failed him.

 

"Good word for it," John said. His hands slid down, leaving a soapy trail. He rubbed his own cock and Rodney's, working up a pretty good lather doing it.

 

Finding anything to say was extremely hard. Pleasure made his brain overload. It always had. John's technique was flawless, and Rodney's knees wanted to give. Unsure of what to do with his own hands, he finally made up his mind to touch John's chest. John gasped, and Rodney skimmed his thumbs across John's nipples. They moved closer, got soapier, and it was impossible not to watch. Rodney went beyond watching. He stared in wonder at John's busy hands.

 

Clutching John closer, Rodney looked up, and their lips met. For the first time in his life, a kiss was something other than awkward, painful. He dug his hands into John and lost any semblance of control. John made several noises that made Rodney think maybe he wasn't alone in that. They held each other loosely, water streaming down, cleaning them.

 

"Yeah," John breathed.

 

"More soap?" Rodney wished there was a chair in this shower. He leaned against the tile but kept his hands on him. John felt good under Rodney's fingers.

 

John nuzzled him and soaped. Rodney sighed, enjoying the attention and shivering slightly from the touches.

 

"You're getting stronger," John whispered; his talented hands soaping Rodney's arm. Rodney nodded, words sliding away. He leaned his head on John's shoulder, and John kissed him roughly. "Not his."

 

"Yours?" Rodney hadn't intended it to be a question. "Even with the whole pain in the ass thing?"

 

The water ran, the steam rose, and John's hands slowly came to a stop. "Yeah."

 

Rodney nearly laughed at such a definitive answer. He did manage a chuckle. "We clean enough?"

 

John put the soap down, and they rinsed off. "What're we gonna do about the whole girl thing?"

 

"Keep our eye out. They're must be hot babes somewhere in this galaxy." Rodney shut off the water and caught the towel John threw at him. They dried each other's back. "Some clothes I could borrow?"

 

"I thought I was giving you a massage?" John brushed his hair with his fingers. "Hey, you were giving me one!"

 

"Naked?" Rodney picked up his sweaty T-shirt but didn't want to put it on his clean body. John wrapped two fingers around Rodney's collar and started for the bed.

 

"Hey!" He swatted but he ended up on the bed, face down, with John straddling him. "Oh, God."

 

"That a good thing or a bad thing?" John started rubbing.

 

Rodney groaned. "Good," he whispered. "But no playing with the collar." The grunt he got for an answer wasn't much of one, but it was impossible to think when he felt good. "Yeah, right there." He groaned some more and might've fallen asleep.

 

********

 

"Hold the P-90 steady, Rodney!"

 

Rodney stopped firing. "Wow. I suck at this."

 

John took the gun from him. "I think we needed a bigger firing range. One where I can watch from behind a barrier of some sort."

 

"Ha. Ha." Rodney wiggled his fingers. "Maybe I need to warm up. Do some stretches."

 

"Oh, that'll help. Hey, I have an idea - open your eyes!" John demonstrated a perfect kill shot. "See? Both eyes open."

 

Taking the gun back, Rodney took a deep breath. "After this, can we, um?"

 

"Gonna need a torso shot for a handjob. Head shot will get you, well, head." John grinned as if there was no way that would ever happen. Rodney pulled the bolt back. Now, he had incentive.

 

*********

 

"Ready?" John asked, coming up behind Rodney before the gate was dialed.

 

Rodney clipped on his P-90 and settled his backpack so it wouldn't chafe. "Ready as I'll ever be."

 

"Scared?"

 

"Any sane man would be scared. I am sane, mostly." Rodney checked his handgun for the third time, made sure the straps were tight, and settled his collar. "You scared?"

 

"There's a reason my hair stands on end." John looked over his shoulder and up to the balcony. "Dial the gate!"

 

********

the end


End file.
